Triggering (SI/OD) - Yay, 2008.. :(

[Dan]

I'm sat at home, i just got in early from a pub crawl, because i feel like shit, i'm sat on the sitting room floor, with a bottle of whiskey, a razor, and a handful of pills i really shouldnt take, but i want to. Well, i more then want to, I need to .

There's only one thing stopping me at the moment, but I don't want to go through another year of this, not this shit, i just want to end it, or do something so severe my parents have to take notice. I'l always be "The cunt" and "The retard" all for trivial shit like not hoovering, I'l always get put down, but really, it's not a put down, it's a reminder of the truth. I am all those things. I really am.

I know everyone will have better things to do on new years, but yea, I guess it's a bullshit cry for help I really don't deserve. =/ I'm sorry, I just want to fuck myself up worse then I'm already doing. I fucking hate me. SO much, surely I can do what I like with my body. I need to think of her. :(

[midnight fairy]

hey hun

ur not those things and i know ur hurting and its shit real shit but dont take the pills or hurt urself to badly as there are people who care and want u in this world

please if u need anything even if its just to rant im a good listener anytime

hope ur ok

love fizzylove

[bleedingdragon]

please Dan,
Im sorry mate that your feeling shit right now,please please try not to
drink all the whisky and take the pills,or use the razor. I know you might feel like it right now, but please just hold on and take a step back.

we care about you here at RYL, i care about you and i want to do what i can for you, i know you feel like you need to do this

but please be safe you could seriously damage yourself, i dont want you to die or be seriously hurt,

im glad there is one thing stopping you right now, i know you probably dont want this thing stopping you, but you have been so supportive
towards so many people here

me included dan please hold on, you have helped me so much and i want you to get through this. I know you dont want to go through another year, but dan you dont know how the year is going to turn out.

Surly you could hold back and see, you can allways make some changes in your life, please dont believe that its all going to go wrong.


Im sure you want your parents to take notice, but dan please my friend not like this its so dangerous, if you needed them to pay attention but at the cost of your life. Please hold on

we value you and we care about you and we are here to do what we can for you.

im sorry that others are putting you down, my friend please know we care about you.

Dan many people will be struggling over the new year, and your life and your struggle is just as important as anyone elses. My friend your crying out for help and support and love, and you deserve to be listened to, you deserve to be supported and to be loved.

Please dont be sorry but dan please dont screw yourself up mate please hold on and be safe.

My friend you have a right to do what you want with your life and your body, but all we want to do is listen to you, to support you and to be there for you, we want you to try and find safer ways through this.

No one will force you to do anything, but please allow us to help you in any way we can please give us that chance my friend.

so many people care about you here let us support you as you have for us.

Dave

[Rogalsgirl]

You won't always have to live with them, it's temporary. I know you can be strong. The shit they say to you-it's not the truth. DOn't ever think that.
You do deserve help. You deserve the best.

I really hope that you are safe right now.
xo

[Cazki]

*Gives you a big hug* Hello Dan mate im sorry to hear that your struggling. I want you to know that even though your family are horrible and that you dont have there support that you have us ok. Like Dave said please give us a chance to help you. Thats all we want to do, none of us want to see you dead at all infact i can tell you that we would all be very upset indeed.

Please take a step back and tink about this even though suicide seems like the best option to you its not ok because there are people that would be very upset. We all care about you so much we really do none of us want to loose such a valuable member i certainly dont.

Things wont always be like this mate things will change. You have come such a long way through all of this rubbish that you have been through. For which im very sorry that you have had so much pain.

I think your very brave indeed i really do. Your none of those things that you called yourself. I think your excellent mate. Please please dont give up please keep fighting through this i know its hard but you can do this you can get through this mate. Please dont give up. Please keep yourself safe and please keep talking to us. How are you feeling today?

Best wishes Ian

[InsufficientFunds]

Dan, I've said everything I can possibly think of to you a million times already, but I just want to tell you again that I love you. Because I think that you tend to forget you have people who care so fucking much for you, and you isolate yourself in your head and its not true babe. I know its hard to think otherwise when you feel so damn alone all the time, but you aren't alone. And I'm so sorry that I didn't realize how tough things are for you right now, but like i've said it will end. Not by death. but by living. You've got to hold on to see what happens in the future because it could be amazing. You are strong enough to hold on, I know you are. And my comment about keeping you alive until 2060 still stands, don't you forget it ;)

I love you homeslice - Keep it real <3

[Dan]

Thanks alot everyone. :$ I kinda don't remember alot about last night, but I didn't take anything, at least i'm 90% sure I didn't. But I did kinda SI alot from my wrist to my elbow joint on both arms, which kinda means I'm fucked (Well, I have fucking loads on my forearms now anyways, like, literally, fucking loads, deep and long, but with my wrists, i'm double fucked. )

I've only got a few long sleeved tops, so I'm wearing one, then putting it straight in the wash, and getting a new one on as soon as I do obviously, and just going round in circles with the same tops, It's kinda fucking pathetic, but, that's me I guess.

I'm thinking about telling my 'Rents, but I know they'l just go fucking mental, but maybe they should know just how badly they're fucking their son up. I don't know. It's not all their fault, but whatever. Bleh, I don't know how I'm going to end this post, or what I mean to come from it, but yea, just thought I'd let you know I'm not like, ill or anything worse, which would probably be too easy.

So yea, thanks for all your replies. I appreciate them. Dan.

[bleedingdragon]

Dan,
your welcome for the support, im glad you didnt take anything, im sorry you had to SI , please dan i hope they are ok please get them looked at if you need to.

You are doing your best Dan, right now it feels like a vicious circle but you can and will get through this and eventually control your SI.

That sounds like a good idea telling your parents, they will be upset but if it helps them to realise what they are doing to you, thats got to be good.

The fact that you posted here means a hell of a lot it was so worthwile you doing it Dan, we are here to support you and care about you, well done for posting, i know how hard it is to post.

We are glad that you did post to let us know how you were , and to give us a chance to be there for you.

please stay safe and strong Dan , and please do keep posting

Dave

[Ami]

Dan, i hope you feel better sweety

im sorry you feel like this ..
stick with the councilling yeh. xxxx