why my life sucks *triger for pretty much everything*

[perfection is a flaw]

my family hate me
my dad sexually abused me as a baby/toddler
my mum blames me for it and believes i should be punished for it
both of my parents physically abuse me, but mostly my mum
my friends dont want to know any more
they told me that i hurt them too much, that im more than they can cope with
im stuck rotting in this hospital
i have 'suspected' schitzophrenia
i cant spell
i have PTSD
and severe depression
and anxiety/ social phobia disorders
i am addicted to alochol
to drugs
and casual sex
at least so says my therapist
i have been molesed/raped/gang raped five times/periods in my life
i have had two miscarriages
my body is covered in hundreds of scars
i currently have TWENTY FOUR stitched up cuts on my body
i cut
i burn
i OD
i am pathetic
useless
worthless
a whoar
i crave intimacy
and yet its the thing im most scared of
i drive people away from me
when i need them most
i need some one to tell me that everythings going to be ok
to hold me and not let go
to not give up on me
but no one cares
no one gives a ****
i have no one
i am all alone
and i cant cope

[bittennails]

hi

im not sure i can be of any help. i just wanted to tell you that you arent pathetic, useless or worthless. you dont deserve to be punshished for things that have happened in your past and you deserve to live a full life free from all these chains.

i know we arent real people (in the sense of being able to give you a proper cuddle and wipe your tears for you) but we do care for you, and want to help you make your life better and help you get better and get through.

im sorry you feel like people have given up on you, and im sorry your friends dont feel they can cope. being stuck in hospital has to suck but perhaps its the safest place for you at the moment?

please hold on and keep going. pm me if you want.

with a big bear hug

b x

[Circle]

I'm sorry to hear you have been through all of that, but that's not how your life has to be. Most of those things can be resolved, but I agree you need a support system to do so. However, in order to recieve that help, you must first be willing to accept it. You have to want to get better, see the silver lining. Then, you need to take a risk and open up to the help being offered.

As bittennails said, the hospital may be the safest place for you to be at the moment. Meanwhile keep talking to us, even if sometimes no advice can be given, it can help just to let things out and know that somebody has listened.

The past cannot be forgotten, but it can be dealt with and once it is dealt with, it becomes a lot easier to move on. You are not alone in this. Keep your head up and keep talking.

Take care.

[KMS]

I hope you're able to forget or deal with some of the things in your past, you don't deserve to be punished for what happened in the past. I would hope your friends would understand what going on and try to be there to support you, but if they cant cope with it just talk here. I'm sure that you're not alone. Feel free to PM me anytime for anything or if you just want to talk I'll listen.
x Ashley x

[_Cadence_]

You should not be punished for things that happened in you past; they're NOT your fault! I'm sorry that your friends aren't there for you. We're here. As bittennails said, we're not real people, but we do care! I know hospitals suck, but you're safe there, so maybe it's best for now. You can get better! You won't be there forever. To do that, you need let people help you. I wish that were easier, but it's necessary. I'm sorry that you feel like everyone has given up on you. Does that include the people at the hospital? You aren't alone, and we haven't given up on you!!! Everything you've gone through can be overcome with a lot of support and time. It will be painful, but it's worth it. Please keep us posted. My PM box is always open- if you want advice, I can try to help you, and if you just want someone to listen, I'll listen.

*cuddles*

[wicked]

first of all, out of curiosity, if you are in a hospital, how can you be online.

second, how people feel about you does NOT define you. from what you've said your parents are sick, they were never really good parents. sometimes people dont undersand. we are fortunate to have this community of so many caring, non judgemental people, but some people just cant handle it.

your sicknesses do NOT define you. depression, anxiety, and ocd, maybe schizophrenia are chemical, they are not your fault.

you rapes/sexual abuse are not your fault. those people were sick, and very wrong to do that to you. nobody deserves that. absolutely nobody.

I was raped once. I thought it would kill me. you have been taken advantage of many times, and you have survived. you are a strong person.

your addictions were your way of coping. they are self destructive, but they kept you alive.

you are not useless, worthless, or a whore.

the fact that you want intamacy proves you are human. you can love, you can beat this. that you have the ability to survive.

the fact that you are afraid of it is because you have never experienced true intamacy. you have been hurt, hurt beyond what most people could have handled.

you have perservered. you have a long way to go, and it will be hard. you have come to far to give up now.

please, stay safe. and stay strong.

feel free to pm me, or my aim is allieinc

you can do this. =]

ps, i cant spell either, thats why the world has spell check. ; ]

[perfection is a flaw]

thanks to everyone who replied. its nice to know that even though youre not 'real' people at least some one cares, youve all made me feel a lot better.

[wicked]

no problem. stay stong. =]