Triggering (SI) - home safe and sad

[blondiebear]

We saw some great ghost towns. We also spent 7 hours at an auto mechanic in a small town in New Mexico. It seems to need a bit more work, hopefully we'll have it back for New Year's Eve. Thank God we didn't get stranded someplace out in the desert.

I spent some time on the trip talking to my loved and loving husband about the stuff with my uncle. He reminded me that my uncle is afraid of intimate friendships. I may also intimidate my uncle with my youth and education.

I'm feeling horribly sad. I feel value less and worth less because my parents and uncle don't care, dont need me. And most of all don't want me... I'm quietly weeping as I type. "worth less" is one of the words i've marked into myself in the last year and now i'm feeling that way again. I wish there was some way I could show on the outside how valueless and worthless I feel, just like I wish there was some way to make myself look ugly on the outside to show how how ugly I feel inside. Yeah I know, old theme new chorus.

At least I can cry about it. A year ago I couldn't do that.

Please pardon me for writing a book and for being a post pig.

Advice Please?

[Bitter_Angel]

I think that you have already come so far even in the one post.
That didnt make sense, let me start over. You have already aknolwedged how far you have come in the past year. That is a good sign, the fact that you can recognise achievement is really good, personally, i believe that it shows your through the worst of things.

I'm not sure what is going on with your uncle, but sounds to me like your husband has some good ideas about whats going on with your uncle. Also sounds like you really love him and can get some support off him over all this. Does he know how you are feeling? Perhaps it would be a good idea to speak to him about it.

I can assure you that your not worthless. I may not know you that well, but everyone is worth something. I also doubt that the people who love you think that you are worthless.

[pea soup]

*offering love and snuggles*
sorry i dont have more.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[blondiebear]

We got the SUV back from our mechanic in time for New Year's Eve. That is good because we are giving rides to a couple of our friends that night.

I was at the house of a friend last night. She has a Santa doll that totally reminds me of the mechanic in New Mexico. The doll has a sweetly smiling old man face and fly away hair and beard. That mechanic was so nice. He worked on our car until 9pm that night.

I've accepted that what my uncle did is a reflection of him and his mental illnesses, not of me. Poor guy. He has issues the same as his next-older sister, my mom, does. His just show up differently so I didn't see them at first. When we were on our way home from NM on Wednesday I missed the highway that would get us to his house so didn't send a Karma Grenade down it.

Last night I got four skeins of obnoxiously cheerful yarn to make squares for the RYL blanket. The one that Amaryllis is doing.

Happy New Year!

[sparklyshoes]

you are far from worthless chick. Hope you are feeling better now x