I don't know if this is the right place to come, but I really need some help, advice, anything.
I have become extremely paranoid lately and my self esteem has crashed. I constantly feel that everyone is out to get me or they think i'm stupid/incapable of doing things. I feel like my parents think i'm a failure and that they talk about me behind my back.
If i'm in a group of people, I constantly feel like they're talking about me, laughing at me or don't like me and it's making me feel like an outcast.
The worst one is how it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for over a year and want to be together for a long, long time. But my paranoia is ruining what we have and pushing him away. I don't like him talking to other girls as I think he's going to flirt with them or leave me for them. He met a girl recently and because she called him sexy and sent him a picture of herself, I now ask him everyday if he's texting her and accuse him of cheating on me with her.
I know it's insane because my boyfriend is one of the nicest people you would ever meet, but it's like something takes over that isn't me and I convince myself he's doing these things and take it out on him.
I used to self harm but have been free for about 2 years now, but recently I have had feelings that make me wants to harm myself. I feel worthless, ugly, fat and as if i'm a horrible, pointless person. I feel like i'm hurting everyone around me without reason.
I really hate how this anxiety and paranoia is effecting my well being and everyone else around me.
I really don't want to lose my boyfriend or my friends, but it seems it's going that way.
I don't want to think he's doing things that he isn't anymore, but I just can't help myself.
It's gotten out of control and I can feel myself spiralling again. I really need some help.
Hi. I've only just seen this.
I get paranoia connected with my PTSD. Severe anxiety and depression, and especially low self esteem and other sensitivities can explode into paranoid thoughts. I also often feel people are staring at me or laughing at me.
It can help to build your self esteem - finding ways of being kind to yourself, noting down any times people have been caring and supportive... and of course therapy, maybe alongside meds, can help.
I can't suggest anything to help you in your relationship, as my illness has meant I've never had a romantic relationship. But I do have empathy and understanding.
You might also like to have a look at this article by Mind - Understanding paranoia [link]
Hey hun, I also feel for you. I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
Obviously medication may not be for you, but I was put on antipsychotics. Like longing tears said, the paranoia could be realted to anything and there are therapies that could be available to you. I dunno, do you see anyone?
Last edited by pixie*lyssie : 26-12-2007 at 08:41 PM.
Reason: ...
No, I don't see anyone. If I tried to tell my parents, they'd think I was over reacting, but i'm pretty damn sure these thoughts and feelings are not normal.
Thanks for all your help anyway. :) It's getting really hard and I wanna stop it before it gets worse but have no idea where to turn.
Maybe having a think to ponder whether it could be rooted in insecurities and such would be a good place to start.
Your parents may not think that, and you won't know unless you try to talk with them.
If you DID want some sort of help with your strong feelings, isn't there any way you can talk to your GP about what you feel? Maybe once you act on how strong your feelings are and talk toomeone (your GP), then maybe your parents will see just how much it's causing a problem and how strogly you feel...???
Heya, I supposedly have paranoia as part of my bpd etc.
Maybe write out a list of evidence for and against, we could help you with it, like a list of why these things are irrational andcarry it in your pocket and look at it when things are getting on top of you.
You're not alone. IT'sreally good that you have the insight to see it's irrational, but it is important to think about why you are having this paranoia, as Katie said, and to be able to explore this.
Hey there. I can relate to what you're going through, I don't have a diagnosis but the psychiatrist i've been seeing recently started mentioning delusional or paranoid thoughts. Mainly about people in public staring at me and talking about me.
I don't know exactly what would help as I haven't reached that stage myself yet, but I think that it is a good thing that you recognise these thoughts as not being normal. Many people that suffer from schitzophrenia or schitzophreniform disorders can't recognise that their paranoid ideation is just that. That is to say, they cannot realise that these thoughts about other people wanting to harm or talk about them are not true.
Sorry if this made no sense. I'm on my 5th drink. I'm drinking alone but it's boxing day so.. maybe that's a good excuse or..
I just tried talking to my Mum about it and she just said that because I can talk about it so specifically, she thinks i'm just overreacting and that i'm so self absorbed. She says all I ever do is talk about myself...
I feel so alone.
I used to be able to talk to her, but now she won't give me the time of day, she just lectures me.
I'm thinking of booking an appointment to see my GP. I think half the reason is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I can't talk to my friends because i'm too afraid they'll think i'm a freak and I don't want to put this on my boyfriends shoulders.
I'm really sick of being like this. I said to my Mum Why the hell would I be like this if I had a choice not to be?
I don't think your mum's being very understanding and she's not seeing how unhappy it's making you feel. I strongly think that you need to make an appointment with your GP straight away and see what services can be offered. Maybe make some notes to help you along with the appointment, I always forget what I was going to say to my psych so he told me to write it down and it helped.
Well she later came into my room and said she was sorry, she loves me and that she thinks I should make an appointment with my GP.
So i'm feeling happier that she is behind me now, because I really need to get this sorted. I'm making an appointment tomorrow, my boyfriend is going to come with me because he's often on the recieving end of my anger. :(
I'll let you all know how it goes and thanks so much for all your help.
Hey, just read all of this and it sounds so familiar, it's exactly what i was hear to figure out for myself... i know my thoughts are totally irrational, but i cant stop them.
Let us know how it goes, and if there's a "cure" of sorts... x
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it will help others like me to know we are not alone.
I know how you feel as I experience this too, I hate going out in public and get really anxious and my heart races and I get short of breath, if someone looks or stares at me i get completely paranoid and believe they are thinking something negative about me. I also feel like people are talking about and laughing at me. I jeopardize some friendships as deep down I think why would they want to be friends with me?, I am continually self-defeating and I hate it but I can't control it no matter what I do.
[In the past I have had numerous friends who have turned out to be bad apples and when I would cut my ties with them they would spread rumors about me and turn other people against me that didn't even know me. This has happened too many times and because I am a genuine heart on my sleeve person I have been vulnerable to these situations, I don't see hidden agendas].
I have been like this for 2 years now and don't know if it's down to depression or due to my past experiences, I hardly go out if I can help it. It kills me the thought that I am wasting my life but I don't know what to do. I am a bit nervous about telling my GP, as I fear that he/she will judge me if I am honest about how I feel.
I know what you mean about not telling friends, I can't tell anyone as no-one really understands.
I have so much to be happy and grateful for but this mentality has taken over my life and I don't know what to do about it.
I also would appreciate any advice on this issue if anyone has any.
Thank you for the link longing tears, I will check this out!
Teardrop, I know exactly how you feel. All the people i've ever been friends with have just stabbed me in the back. In the town near where I live, everyone talks about me but it's because I cut ties with like one of their friends. Some of them don't even know me as a person, but they hate me.
My ex-boyfriend has contributed to some of the mistrust with my new boyfriend as he told everyone I lied about being a virgin and that I was a bullshitter. He also broke up with me and then started coming to my house and throwing things at it, messaging me on Myspace when I, apparently, "stole" my friends boyfriend, which wasn't my fault at all. He got all obsessed with me and broke up with my friend and wanted to be with me, but I refused him. Anyway, I really didn't have a good time with or after being with my ex boyfriend. He's not a nice person.
I guess there's alot of underlying issues that were never adressed that explain the way I am.
I know how you feel about feeling nervous about telling your GP, I am too. But i've got to the stage where I think, if I don't do something now, how far is this going to go?
