What's causing you to feel this way? Please don't do anything more to harm yourself, i'm sure there are tons of people that would miss you even if you don't realise it right now.
Why would your partner hate you?
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way today.
Life breaks most of us in the end, but afterwards some of us are strong in the broken places
~ Ernest Hemingway
I know his parents don't forgive me. his death was MY fault. See I was supposed to be driving but I never as I said I couldn't be bothered and he said (to make me happy and feel better) he would.
IT SHOULD OF BEEN ME.
I miss him so much it hurts, I never told him I loved him, he died not knowing that I loved him.
I need him. I feel like I need him so much. I am crap on my own I am useless on my own. Nothing makes sense anymore. Here I am sat on christmas day trying to kill myself.
I aint drunk I am completely sober so I KNOW this is the best option to just go to sleep and never wake up.
My friends all deserted me when he died. People say it was because they didn't know what to say. People used to cross over the street to avoid talking to me. They never had to talk to me sometimes all I want is for someone to just wrap their arms round me and make me feel safe like he used to.
I have nothing left to live for.
I keep moving the pills closer and closer. I'm sorry
I wouldn't say morbid, I would say caring and loving. Are you going to take some flowers or something else special to leave there?
Even if you didn't tell him you loved him, I am sure that deep down he knew... love can be felt, and it's clear you loved him deeply.
I can't stop you from killing yourself, but I would urge you to hold off making a decision until you're feeling more stable and clearer. Right now your mind and feelings are blurred by an intense grief for someone very special to you.
You can call The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. You might also look into speaking with your doctor tomorrow once the surgery is open again.
This doesn't have to be the end for you, although I understand why you want it to be.
My gp hates me. He put me on chlorpromazine(sp) to try and shut me up and says I should just "deal with it" and move on. He said people die everyday it is life.
I am not really one for the samaritans, don't know why just couldn't make touch with them.
I understand what you mean about your GP. I'm sure he doesn't hate you, he just has some fixed ideas about medication and life. You could always speak with another GP at your practice. It sounds like you need more sensitivity and understanding. An anti-depressant, to my mind, although I'm not a dr, would be more helpful than an anti-psychotic, and would ease the vulnerability and rawness and despair enough so that you could feel a bit more able to cope with your feelings, not to shut you up. It's important that you have your voice, and are not silenced.
Im so sorry to hear that your really struggling. We are all here for you to support you through this difficult time. Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. I cant begin to imagine how you feel. Please dont end your life. I know you feel there is nothing left anymore and that your better off dead. Your not better off dead at all. Your such a lovely person it would be so upsetting if you ended your life. Please keep fighting through this i know you can do this please keep talking to us and posting here. Im sure its not your fault at all. Even though you say it is im sure its not. You musn't blame yourself. Things are often made worse when we blame ourselves. I know its hard to not blame yourself but please please dont do anything. Please keep yourself safe.
I know that I am the worlds worst person and am going to seem so ungrateful with what I am doing but please I have my reasons.
I was abused when I was a kid. My dad was a s**t and abused me both physically and sexually.
I ended up having so many issues I was so angry and never trusted anyone.
My partner changed all that he made my life worth living again, he made everything less scary and horrible. I was such a cow I used to throw plates and everything at him questioning why he was with me but he stuck with me for 2 and a half years. When I felt like crap he just held me and made me feel so safe.
Now he is gone and I have nothing.
The guilt I feel is over whelming. He had everything a fab job, people who loved him and a family who adored and needed him. Who was I. A piece of crap with issues IT SHOULD OF BEEN ME.
So you see I have reasons. I need to make things right.
I can't keep living without him
I went to his grave and talked to him. Yep mad I know but I just needed to tell him everything. How sorry I am and how much I love him.
He used to e my hero and now no matter how many pills I take or how much vodka I drink I have no one to rescue me no one to make me feel safe anymore.
I don't want to save myself I don't want to have to fight anymore and be alone.
Please don't do this. I'm so sure this is not what he would have wanted you to do at all. Please please give it more time.
It's not mad at all that you spoke to him at his grave, you have now had a chance to tell him how you feel.
Have you had any bereavement couselling. Please wait a little longer and go back to the doctor and see if he can get you counselling or better medication to help you through this. If he doesn't help please ask to see someone else, it was silly of him to say it's just part of life. It is true that obviously death happens every day, but not under those terribly difficult circumstances and everyone copes with it in different ways.
Please please don't hurt yourself, you would be missed very much.
Life breaks most of us in the end, but afterwards some of us are strong in the broken places
~ Ernest Hemingway
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xx
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