Triggering (Suicide) - My christmas wish

[broken fairy girl]

I really don't know why I am posting. I guess I just feel like I need to get everything out before I flip.

Last year my partner was killed in a road traffic accident.

Everyone is so bloomin festive and all I want to do is curl up in a corner and die.

I miss him so much it hurts.

I was put into a psychiatric hospital when it first happened. Everyone told me how it would get better and that time is a great healer........ crap.

I feel worse now than what I did when it first happened.

I know that he has gone physically but mentally I still sometimes think he is here. I still expect him to walk in through the door some days I still make two cups of tea.

Three days ago I conned more medication from my gp. I told them I had lost my months perscription(which I had got) and got another months supply.

I don't know why I am writing this. Sorry I should just go

[Stellata]

Keep talking here.

You've been through a painful loss, a deep trauma, and it's still effecting you. That's normal.
I know that doesn't make it hurt less.
But we are here for you. We care.

[broken fairy girl]

Thanks

I just feel like I am trapped, trapped by how I am feeling right now.

When I went into hospital when he first died everyone said "imagine how he would feel if you did anything to yourself" I used to think he would be mortified.

Now I KNOW he would just want me to be happy, that is all he ever wanted. To just go through with this right now would make me happy.

I am so tired of fighting and trying to believe things will get easier they wont.

I just want to be with him is that so wrong??

[falling-appart]

i'm so sorry about ur loss hun i know it cant be easy at all in any way for you...! no its not wrong that u want so much to be with him..! but think about it as u say all your partner would want is for u to be happy, would he really want you to give up your life to be with him, thats not what he want at all he want you to be able to go on in life and be happy, no matter what he will always be with you maybe not in life form but in spirit form he will, just because he aint with u in a figure form doesnt mean he isnt with u in spirit form. aslong as you keep him in your heart and never forget him then he's happy that he isnt forgotten, u can still communicate with him and he can hear u but u just cant hear him back, no matter what he will be at ur side untill the day its ur time to be reunited into his arms, life has an order and time for everyone to go, u just have to live till ur time is right and never forget all the imes u had together and know that aslong as he is close to ur heart then he hasnt left u..!

hope everything goes well for u hun and all the best . please take care of ya self and if u need anything then please feel free to pm anytime ..!
love ash xoxox

[Sooty]

Hi there,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this time of year is for you. You say you don't feel like he's left you, people do live on in memories... he will always be with you in your mind. Have you got support from any of your family or friends at the moment? I'm sorry that I am not much help here.... perhaps if you visited the Grief and Trauma Support Forum you could gain more specific support from people who have been through similar experiences to you. Take care and keep posting.
Sophie.x

[Cazki]

Im terrribly sorry for your loss. I cant begin to imagine how much pain you are in. Especially at this time of year. It is normal to want to be with lost ones but please done end your life. I know you feel like giving up and that lifes not worth it anymore. Please please dont give up. We all care about you so much and we all want to be here for you so that we can get you through this. It will be a long time before you notice a difference but you can get through this. I know its hard. Im so sorry that your going through this. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. It will take time but in time things will get better.

Best wishes Ian xxxx

[idontwantnomorescars]

hey there i'm so sorry for your loss no wonder you just want to curl up its a terrible and painful thing to go through. two of my cousins were killed in a road accident.

i know you dont believe it but time does heal it obviously just has been long enough yet for you to heal and you may never fully heal from this horrific incident.

its not wrong to want to be with him but the way you are planning to go about it isnt the best way. and yes he would want you to be happy but give life a chance hun it will get better i promise and i know you dont believe that now but in time you will see.


please please please dont do anything try and enjoy your life before it gets cut short too just like your partner. i'm sure he would want you to live your life to the fullest