Triggering (SI) - Too Much.. Help.. ??

[breatheforlovetomorrow]

I am overwhelmed. My SI has gotten out of hand lately. I don't cut deep, but I cut a lot. I feel as though I NEED it. It's beyond just wanting to do it. Because I don't WANT to NEED it. Things have been going very poorly this month. Tonight is just another terribly rough one for me. I feel like I am truly on the edge this evening, and don't know what to do. I have already hurt myself quite a bit today, but I find myself wanting more and more and more. I am craving intoxication. The kind of total inebriation that causes blackouts, my favorite kind. I want pills and I want alcohol and I want lots of both. And that scares me. I want to go to this party tonight only because I know I can get as effed up as I want. I am ready for it all to end, and at the same time, I know that's not healthy mentality. I am afraid to tell my parents how I am feeling, afraid to show them my arms. They know, but they don't understand. They don't know how bad it truly is. I do not want to be hospitalized... I do not want to end up in the psych ward... What do I do?? I am so lost...

[ScarlettAngel]

being hospitalized really sux, you need to get proffessional help before it gets to that state. you are addicted to cutting (as am i) it doesnt seem fair that we have to cut even when we dont want to. try seeing someone like a GP or someone at the local community health center/mental health center. you shouldnt have to fight this battle alone, there is help out there without needing hospitalisation. posting on here is a good idea, mabe try out the ranting/venting forum, get some **** off your chest. talking helps, im here if you need me, take care
merry xmas oxoxox