Well I guess this is rant #2 of the night. I just keep thinking about my parents and how they just don't want to deal with anything. My dad is just in total denial and I suppose that my mom just wants us to appear like the perfect little family. Anyway, they both know I "used to" cut and yet this doesn't affect their behavior one bit. My dog passed on in October. He was 15. I had had him for those 15 years and he was my all time best friend. I told him everything. He was my baby, my confidant, the only boy I needed in my life. And now he's gone.
It's been almost 8? months and I'm still not over it. My mom keeps telling people that we're done mourning...I guess she speaks for herself 'cause just thinking about the hole that his passing left in me sends me into sobs. Anyway, I want to get a new puppy but neither of my parents want to take care of one until I graduate next May...so I'm just SOL. They don't get that it would help me with all of this. I doubt they'd care if they did. They just care about themselves, and not about how their daughter is dying over this
. Honestly, this is why I say that I don't love my parents...because I really don't. I know, it's horrible of me, but I truly feel no attachment to them other than financial dependence. They raised me to be entirely codependent and then they crucify me for it. I'm adopted and yeah that's brought its own issues, but my dad basically abused me when I was younged mentally more than anything else, but he was known to drag me upstairs by my hair and slap me across the face for being "fresh" with him. My mom just sat there like nothing happened...yeah..I'm real good at acting happy when I'm far from it. It was never okay to cry according to my dad and he'd make fun of me for it if I did...I'm a girl for God's sake come on now. Anyway, sorry about book #2 it just pours outta me and such. So yeah...just hoping I can survive 'til I go back to school in late August in one piece. Wish me luck. I'm sure this won't be my last rant post here.
