I'm going on holiday on the 2nd of January, to a place where I will definatley be swimming (Centerparcs). My left thigh is covered in scars and scratches, my right much less so.
Of those who're coming with me (atleast eight), only two people know I used to cut (my mum and a really good friend), yet I don't think they know I cut now. I've sort of stopped cutting, and am starting to cope without it, but the thought of everyone seeing is starting to really worry me. The last time I was faced with it I ended up punching a wall until my fingers swelled and bruised because I freaked out last minute, too scared of anyone seeing.
I can't talk to my mum about it, I just can't.
But I kind of want to do it, go out not trying to hide it...it'd kind of be something to prove I was free, to me...If that makes sense...
Only thing, well two things, are the thought of me freaking out and doing something really stupid like last time, and also, the last time I went, there were people from my school...and I think I really would freak out if that happened, and they saw...
I've been using cocoa butter three times a day for a fortnight and five days, and the worst of it is starting to get to a point where it's hard to see, but some of the scars are still pretty pink...
Any advice...? Anyone experience this sort of thing?
Thanks...
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it
I think the only problem is when you're walking to the pool right? Because nobody can see your thighs when you're in he water. You could always wear long shorts, like this
(Yeah I know its from the Sims, but hey! It's covering his thighs...)
Unless you've cut further down you legs, then that might work?
I don't really have any advice for you other than the normal suggestions but I just wanted to say that I'm a swimmer and train 5/6 times a week and I've done so for nearly 8 years now and only two people have ever commented on my scars. I asked a really close friend in my swim team if she'd noticed them and if she had what she'd thought about them an she had never noticed them until I mentioned it.
So try not to worry about it, the chances are nobody will notice, you'll be too busy and having too much fun an even if they do they probably wont say anything.
If you do want to cover them though then shorts are probably your best solution.
Look after yourself, I'm here if you want to talk,
Kirsty x
Firstly, have fun at Centre Parcs. :) Longleat, yeh? The pool there's great, and it'd be a shame for you to miss out on it.
Like someone has said, you could wear shorts to cover up your scars, or some of them at least I'd have thought.
Although, you said you don't want to cover them if you can help it.
Like BeckMo said, they won't be particularly visible whilst you're in the water, and you could always wear a towel as far as you can.
The chances of seeing someone you know again is very slim, and just because you saw someone last time, it doesn't mean the same thing will happen. :)
What is the worst thing that would happen if the people going with you saw your scars? I know it's a scary thought, and I think we can all empathise with you, but at the end of the day, how bad will it be? You have your mum & friend to help you out, if they ask you awkward questions, and suchlike. :) As you've been using the cocoa butter that should help, and their first thoughts are unlikely to be self-harm.
Try and gain strength from your mum, and perhaps confide in her about how it's making you feel, so that she can keep an eye on you and help you out somewhat. Punching things, and hurting yourself, may seem like a good way to cope with things at the time, but remember that they aren't going to fix things, at the end of the day.
It's easy to work yourself over it, and I fully understand, but just think about how bad it could actually be, and the chances are that things will be absolutely fine. Your mum & your friend know, and they're not killing you over it, or anything. :)
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