Triggering (SI/ED) - Sick to death of it.

[Mirren]

My dad keeps saying I'm going to end up in hospital. And although the very thought terrifies me, sometimes I think thats where I need to be. Like now.
I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I'm sick of waking up every single day. I hate sleeping because I know next time I open my eyes, I will have to go through it all again. I need to keep busy. I need to get out the house, but I don't have the energy. I'm sick to death of constantly doing things to stop myself dwelling on the self harm and suicidal thoughts.
I'm scared, and I'm tired and I'm lonely. It's all being made worse because my eating is rubbish. Any time I eat, I cut. And it's getting more and more. My arms are a mess.
I'm off work now until Boxing day, and sometimes I wish I wasn't. At least I'm out of temptations way at work. .
My psychologist is off now until mid-January. Seeing her isn't helping anyway. Sometimes I leave feeling worse than I did before I went in.

I don't know what I expect of this post. I'm just exhausted, and my head is a mess, and I had to get it all out.

[tearsofgold]

hey hon, sorry to hear you feel so bad at the moment.
Are you doing things to keep yourself busy over christmas? Maybe if you made a plan everyday when you woke up as to what you are going to do durring that day? the structre may be helpful to you, even if your only filling a small amount of time each day make sure you feel you have achieved something everyday, even if that is just washing a car or todying a room from top to bottom.
I know thats easier said than done.
Take care and feel free to pm me anytime.
Hugs
xXx

[idontwantnomorescars]

hey hunny i'm sorry youre not good right now. maybe of you think you should be in the hospital you should seriously consider admitting yourself so you are in a safe environment until you are better.

i know you dont have the energy to keep yourself busy but you are really going to need to find the energy as it is one way of keeping you safe.

if your psychologist isnt working for you, which i know its not because you can leave feeling worse than you did, find another one and keep trying till you get one that helps you.

sorry i'm not much help but please stay strong and take care of yourself.

if you want to talk feel free to pm me

[peccatophobia]

hi im passing you a hug ,you eint alone ,