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*Bows* Hello.
Hello. You can call me Kitty, Jynxed, or Jyn.
I'm 16, and I think I started cutting first when I was about 12. I was a long, hard road for me to stop, and back then I was on my own. I didn't have a support group or therapist or some friend to confide in like I do now. I ended up having a major breakdown in November '06 and attempting suicide. I was hospitalized for two weeks before being released. After that I started cutting again to help myself deal with all the stress, and now I've been turning to cutting again every time I get depressed, which is often since I'm still working with my psychiatrist to find the right dose of the right medication to treat my severe depression.
A lot of my stress comes from issues I have with my father. Both my parents are disabled. My mom has MS and my dad has Diabetes and heart disease. My dad also has had various open wounds on his feet since I can remember. We've spent alot of time waiting in the emergency room of various hospitals when the staff infection my dad has acts up and he needs an I.V. drip. While I waited with him I ended up seeing alot of things no one should have to see just feet from them. Also, my dad is verbally abusive to my mother and myself and he tends to act like a five-year-old. I have a very complex relationship with my parents, since sometimes they want me to be a kid and other times I'm the one taking care of them, so I really have trouble thinking of and referring to them as my superiors.
I'm currently in therapy in attempts to sort out the mess that is my life. My therapist doesn't want to force me to stop SI, but I've been trying to make my own efforts, even if they aren't always the most successful. I've found the 15 minute game to be amazing, as well as the funny pictures. I also try to write poetry about things besides SI to take my mind off it, or read the manga Godchild by Kaiori Yuki (which are mostly based off of nursery/ mother goose rhymes). That, or I talk to people via texting or IM about whatever's bothering me.
I'm still unstable, but I'm stable enough to know I won't try to kill myself again any time soon. And at least when I SI I've got such a large amount of experience in wound care because of my dad's feet and an intricate enough understanding of the body to be able to know where I can cut without a large amount of bleeding occurring and a low chance of scarring.
Besides for my own well-being, I'm also pursuing modeling as an occupation now, and no one wants a model covered in band-aids and cuts. <3
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