tonight, tomorrow

[jadedfaerie]

i'm sorry i'm posting so much today. it's just a hard one i guess.

i'm going to the Harvard University graduation tomorrow. it's an all day thing. literally. we have to be there at 7:30am and ends around 5. geesh. two of my good friends are graduating.

i was excited for this, now i'm not so sure. i'm getting very bitter and fighting with my best friend about everything having to do with tomorrow (one graduate is his wife). i don't mean to, but i find myself really snapping at him and putting down his duh statements. i don't like it when i'm like this. i feel so mean.
i think one reason i'm so bitter right now though is because i feel like i should be graduating. but i'm only two years into it cuz i started so late. and i want to be going to harvard, but i chose not to because they don't have social work.

i don't know. it just seems like everytime i get passed one urge to cut, something else bothers me and makes me want to do it again. so i guess this was my attempt to make this not bother me anymore.

i so don't know how i'm going to get through tomorrow. blah

god i just want to scream. this just keeps getting worse and worse.

[Mirabelle]

If you feel you won't be safe attending the graduation, don't go. Explain to your friends why if they know about your issues and you can talk to them about it.
So what if you're two years behind? you chose to start later, it doesn't make you stupid and it doesn't mean you wasted your time.
And what would have been the point to go to Harvard if that wouldn't have been the best choice for you? You know what's best for you and I'm sure whatever college you're at is just as good.

Maybe you can go to only a part of the graduation? Besides, if it gets really too hard to handle, you should feel free to leave. it's your prerogative.

Good luck tomorrow and take care

[jadedfaerie]

i went to the whole graduation. was a complete bitch for most of it, but i made it through. and the funniest part is, the key note speaker, bill gates, whom everyone was waiting for and even scalping tickets for, i fell asleep through his entire speech. oops!
i realized half way through the day that i was so bitchy simply because Harvard is what i really wanted, and want, to do. i pushed the idea aside two years ago because i told myself i couldn't do it, but **** that. i can do it. i've been on the deans list 3 out of the 4 semesters i've been in school, i'm involved in too much of the campus groups and clubs. i think i've proven myself. so i'm going to do it. well, i'm inquiring about it the procedures and such. so hopefully come the fall i'll be a Harvard University student.
so i guess being queen bitch, and fighting back tears for most of the day was actually useful.