im sorry to post here, im not even sure its the right place for what i have to say cause to be honest i have no idea what i want to say!
i not sure how to explain how im feeling right now. i dont know what to do with myself, im a complete mess. i made the stupid mistake of thinking that i was on the other side of this. i thought i would never feel like this again.
it has been approximately 4 months since the last time that i turned to si (in the from of cutting at least). i would be lying if i said i hadnt had urges in that time but all in all it has been a pretty smooth run. so why im i back to where i was before? nothing bad has happened so why?!
im back to not being able to think about anything else, back to being snappy and pushing people away. thats not the person i want to be anymore :(
there is so much i want to say but im not quite sure. dont have anyone to talk to that will understand anyway.
Hey honey.
I will try to understand if you wantto talk to me.
You aren't bugging anyone, & well done on four months, thats amazing :]
You can get through this, I promise. You're here now, & that's good.
When you think of what you want to say, maybe put it in a rant? That way it doesn't have to make sense or anything...it's just what you think.
I can honestly say that I have felt like that too. And I know that the worst thing is wanting to hurt yourself, and knowing you shouldn't, and that deep down, you don't want to. You're doing really well for being SI free for so long, even if it's just in the cutting aspect. That's really excellent, and I'm very happy for you in that fact. You don't need to feel alone, or trapped; as if you have no one to talk to. You can always find someone that understands. I've found that on here. If you want, you can add me, and we can talk? I'd be more than happy to talk things through with you, if you want that is.
i know this sounds completely weird and no-one will understand but it freaks my out so so so SO SOOOOOOOOOO much to see my scars fading and starting to disappear.
am i crazy cause i sure feel it at the moment!!
i hated having to hide all of my scars from everyone and now i can wear what i want and everything so why do i miss them so much? why does it feel like im losing something that im not ready to lose yet?
this is how all of my relationships end. i know my bf is reading this now. he is struggling to understand. im trying so hard for him because he said he would get angry if he knew id hurt myself. im trying so hard not to push him away and help him to understand but i feel a total failure. hate bringing the people around me down
I can understand you.I don't want my scars to fade at all.I feel like i will lose a big part of me.the scars kinda remind me what i go through.What i can't say it with words, its in my body.I want to remember this period in my life when im older.
don't worry.you aren't crazy.if you are, then im crazy too.
if you wanna talk pm me anytime you like.i can understand you.i will be glad to talk to you.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
Hey hun
Dont be sorry, this is what this place is for :)
4 Months is amazing! youve been so strong to get this far.
Do you have any idea why you are feeling like this again?
Maybe keep trying to distract yourself with happy thoughts.
You may not be snapping at people, just think you are or if you are, maybe think what you think before you say it twice.
take care
panda xxxx
