Feels empty. Completely empty. Nothing feels real to me. At all. It all feels like Im living in a dream world at the moment. Im completely dreaming.
Can't sleep. Doesn't wanna eat. Just can't be bothered too really. Just wanna be sick. But I can't. Just thinking about it, takes up soo much energy!!
Im struggling to talk to people. Telling them how Im all happy & nothing could go better for me at the moment, rather than how Im really feeling; which is like this. utter crap!
If I can go down the Railway lines and attempt to killmyself but fail by keeping my trainers on.. surely I could go back down there.. an try without my trainers on, rite! wouldn't be much difference. Only thing with that though, it takes effort n' energy I haven't got. Haven't got at the moment!
So bored. No energy ='s nothing to do. But think!
Thinking to me be can dangerous at times. To much thinking anyway.
Grrh, why did I have to make myself get this fat? .. wasn't punishment enough for myself. Did I have to eat after eat. Making myself bloated .. and forcing myself to eat more... the pain in my stomach I can feel, it hurts so much..
suicide is never they way, cliche i know but its not, trust me.
Is anything happend to make you feel like this. Reading between the lines im guessing you tried to kill yourself some time ago, it can take an awfully lonmg time to get over that, its not as simple as just forgetting or pretending it didnt happen
keep talking to use here XX
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
My minds beginning to think over-load. I can't help but stress. Can't even get stressed out properly. Ooooh No! *tuts* stupid laydee I am!
Where-ever I go, I seem to take my horrid thoughts and the evil bad wheather with me.
Grrrh! BooHooHoo! Gud-damn it!! Luk at me. Im so pathetic. What's wrong with me. Why can't I just wake up from this dream. I hate it. I struggle to say how I really feel. Gosh, Im so pathetic!
Im trying to talk. I really am. But Im struggling. Im pathetic. Grrh!
Can't explain to people how Im really feeling. Not deep down Im not. Im finding it hard. Don't even have the energy to talk so much on here. But I needs some kind of support I feel. Everyone on my side of the computer feels like their desserting me. I hates it. They aint got time to hear me out. 50minutes isn't long enough for once every 2months. But they seem to think it's plently. I hates it.
Your not pathetic, really your not, all people struggle to talk at times, sometimes you can be so low that no words even come out of your mouth at times.
What kind of support do you think you need? Someone there to talk to/listen? someone to check up on you at times?
Can you talk to people if you feel they arnt listening to you when you need it, i mean can you tell them you are struggling and want someone to talk to. Im sure they are not deserting you
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Most people struggle to say how the feel, its ok to say "im feeling low" without being able to express why or whats making you feel like this.
Is there anything you can do for a bit to try and relax and clam, to try and stop focusing on things, like a hot bath or going for a walk?
it might not work for everyone but its worth trying at least.
Now most importantly are you safe right now? or do you feel like you may do something? Your safty here is the most important thing right now.
That's fine. I find it easy to say ''Im feeling low''. So easy. But it's when they ask '' why?'' and all those other hard questions that's difficult enough I find to answer.
Can't have a bath. Only got a shower.. But I do use that to sit in the corner and allow the water to run over me, into myface, on my head.. supported by my hands, I sits there and just cries in comfort..
Oooh! I just really ain't got the energy.. Im so sorry!
But thankyou for supporting me with replies x
i know its hard when you dont have an answer to any of thoes questions, usually i just say my illness is acting up and thats why im low, it avoids all fo thoese questions.
What about listening to music (non depressing), pamparing yourself, things like that?
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I tries. Pampering myself that is, but then my utter self-hatered kicks in n begins to feel all these emotions of where I feel so worthless. theres just simply no point, aren't going to achieve owt, well much after it.. days after!... am I!?!
Ha, n music... well tell me. I likes to listen to upbeat music most of the time.. but even that, im struggling to feel any emotion too. It's all so hard for me. I really am lacking in energy. I can't be bothered to care about myself anymore. I feels so empty.. can't even feel my heart or soul mentally! I hates it.
Henyway.. what's the point in talking to someone.. it's only words. Empty feelings ='s` pointless talking to someone. It really is though, i mean.. really; what an earth are they gunna do. What am I going to want them to do, with just listen to me ramble on about the same stupid empty emotions.. grrh!
what do i do, seriously!
