Triggering (SI) - Do you ever forget-or not remember

[Rain Keeper]

I look at some recent scars/wounds. I know that I did them. I know when I did them. I know how I did them. But I dont remember the pain. Although only maybe an hour later. a day later. a week later- i dont remeber any pain. I ask myself how come I didnt feel?


My scars remind me of who I was and where I was (or for the newer ones-that I have been in a position before that I came out of- this will be one of those "battle scars"- to remind me- I am alive)

I know we tend to block things out, but I mean I see me doing it at the time and even after- But the pain- i dont remember. I lay in bed all night thinking how to make it hurt- why doesnt it hurt? I dont do it for blood reasons. I know it is not just me. Maybe the pain of itching scar or new skin under the open blister is how i cope. waiting for that moment.

Do I make sense to anyone??

Does anyone in vets (remeber I dont stray) do this or better yet have an understanding why?


I dont see anyone anymore. I have had counselling in almost 7 months. I am losing my mind and am doing damage. Trying not to feel so alone here. Please--anyone?


Rain

[Bitter_Angel]

Rain, people use self harm as a method of blanking things out. When emotional pain is too strong we use physical pain as a differnt focus. Its possible that you where not able to get enough physical pain to block ou the emotional pain, so you didnt really feel it, if that makes sense. Kinda like there was still to much emotional pain which stopped you feeling it.

I do this too. I barley remember any pain, when there should be.
Its probably not a good sign hun, it might mean that SI is no longer a working coping stratergy as its not getting rid of all the pain in your life.

Take care
Kim

[pixie*lyssie]

I dont remember the pain either. You're not alone! *cuddles*!

[eeyore86]

I never remember the pain hun, I tend to only remember the positive aspects of my self harming, the relief, the ahhhhh factor, the reduction in anxiety etc. Its only weeks later that I start regretting it and realise that its yet another scar!
Please stay safe and take care of yourself.

Big huggles and much love
Mary
xxxx

[Mouse81]

I don't remember pain or anything like that. Half the time I can't even remember actually doing it, or why I did it. I get so angry, so frustrated, so sad that it just happens and then when people (my counselor) asks why I did it, I say I don't know. Maybe I don't want to remember it. When the cuts heal and the scars form, I hate myself even more. I hate myself for ever starting this.

[blondiebear]

I don't feel the pain until several hours to a day later.