Today, binge. 200g of chocolate, thats like 1000cals.. been in bed all day. (lazy fat bitch).
Not been out of my room, anxiety bad, I dont think my ED will kill me, Im gaining weight. But I just might kill myself.. already looked up lethal doses of pills, havent got enough for it to be worth it, so nevermind
But I want to harm, really badly, I know it, I can see it, I see myself ****ing up my arms and legs.
Im scaired Im going to stab my tummy. I know that could be really dangerous. Im so scaired.
Im thinking seriously. I need to hurt myself.
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
*hugs tightly* i'm sorry you feel so bad at the moment sweetie. Just keep trying. Can you get someone else to look after/hide the pills for you until you feel safer?
Don't beat yourself up hun, 200g of chocolate isn't really a massive amount (i'm sure it's not 1000cals) and if you aren't eating much at the moment then your body desperately needs that energy.
Is there anyone who can sit with you until you are feeling safer and less impulsive?
I have been eating loads over the last week now. Im so ashamed, I have been having around 2000 cals a day or MORE, and 200g of dairy milk chocolate is exactly 1050 calories, I just checked.
I am a pig. I want to call the crisis team, but they are so patronising and useless it makes me feel angry and worse I think.
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
Sorry if I repeat anything that has been said but I jumped on the reply button like a kitten.
In moderation chocolate won't be bad for you at all, in fact, your body, even in a stationary position burns off lots of calories per day. Take me for example, I found out my body burns somewhere around 2000 calories due to me height and such even if I sit at the computer from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to bed.
Isn't that something. You should enjoy the chocolately goodness and not worry about the calories because it isn't much at all once in a while :]
-hug-
you're not alone hun. i know it may seem like it. but we're all here for you. hang in there. thanks for being brave enough to share how you're feeling with us.
xoxoxo
" I wake up feeling convicted, / I know something's not right / Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet //
They've been swimming in the wrong waters / Now they're pulling me down / But I am clinging to you, never letting go / 'Cause I know that you'll lift me out //
Have your way here / Keep me afloat / 'Cause I know I'll sink without you / Take this ocean of pain that is mine / Throw me a lifeline " - Lifeline, Brooke Fraser
Hey sweety please dont hurt yourself. I know that when you get all these feelings it fills you with anxiety but please dont hurt yourself. I certainly dont think your fat lazy Bit** at all. Even after reading this post. You can and will get through this butit will take time. Remember your never on your own we all care about you so much. I really hope that you feel better soon. I know how you feel though and i really sympathise with you. We all have days where we feel really rubbish and we comfort eat/binge. Please please dont do anything to hurt yourself. Please keep posting and talking to us. I know you can get through this o belive in you. Please take care Im so proud of you for posting how you felt as i realise how hard it is to post at times.
I have been eating loads over the last week now. Im so ashamed, I have been having around 2000 cals a day or MORE, and 200g of dairy milk chocolate is exactly 1050 calories, I just checked.
Marie 2000 calories is still the recommended daily allowance for women remember. There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating that. In fact it's what's seen as healthy.
With everything else, i'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. Are there people you can be around just to distract yourself from doing anything that you've mentioned for a while? Just keeping yourself around people is a good idea when you're feeling like this.
I wish I could say anything more, but I really just think you need to think carefully about all of this. You do not need to hurt yourself, there is nothing that you have ever done that involves you needing to hurt yourself for. You're a lovely girly and you deserve better. Take care x
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
