what do I do?

wasting away · 12-12-2007, 10:15 AM

I have been tramatised over several years and whenever there is a trigger I start hitting myself - my head, my face, my body, pull out my hair. The thing is that when I do this, my husband starts slapping me around. He says he does it to stop me from hitting myself. It just makes me more angry and hurt. Does this happen with anyone else?

Mistakenly Beautiful · 12-12-2007, 01:50 PM

I can't say I have that problem...

But my dad does hit me around when he finds out I'm cutting...

Like if he hurts me, I'll stop hurting myself. Have you told him to stop? Maybe if you keep telling him he's only making it worst, he'll realize it. Surely he only wants the best for you...

uffie. · 12-12-2007, 01:52 PM

if you don't like it, tell him to stop.
do you think that him hitting you helps you to calm down? even if it does, if YOU don't like, tell him you don't.
anyway. the fact that you said "he says he does it.." implies you don't believe him?
I think you probably need to try and control your own feelings too. he can help with that, but probably more emotionally than, physically. you can't go around hitting yourself whenever youre triggered forever.
take care.

deviantobsession · 12-12-2007, 10:14 PM

i dont know what to say to be totally honest... i havent been in that situation although my mum hit me before when she found out... but she hasnt done it in ages... probly because she doesnt know... But if you need to talk im here for you hunny xxx

Trucktastic · 12-12-2007, 10:32 PM

Sounds like he's on the verge of being abusive, rather than helping you. Is he a controlling person?

If he is trying to be helpful then tell him he's not helping, and just try to explain to him what the issues are, what has triggered you. The best thing he could do is help you with the trigger factors, rather than 'help you' with your way of dealing with them.

Take care

Lozx

wasting away · 13-12-2007, 02:46 PM

I would not say he is a controlling person. He himself has never abused me . However, his family constanlt have abused me and he has never been able to stand up to them and protect me. Most of my anger and resulting actions (self harm etc.) are related to this issue.

My husband is not a violent man, never has been as far as I know. I find it strange that when I am harming myself, it doesn't seem to hurt me but if he slaps me it hurts terribly. He says that he does it to stop me from hurting myself but it only ends up making me more angry and I hurt myself more in retaliation. It is almost like, I want to hurt myself physically because I am hurting inside and when he hits me (for whatever reason) I get more hurt inside and want to hurt myself more.

Can't really make out what is wrong with me.

Mistakenly Beautiful · 14-12-2007, 03:54 AM

Nohing is wrong with you. At least not because of that. I'm not going to say its normal for people to want to hurt themselves. Cause its not. But for someone who does, well it is normal for them to feel that way. It seems he hurts you, only because your hurting him by hurting yourself in the first place. He is caring in his own way. Thats not right, or fair, but that's what it seems. Maybe you two should talk it out. Maybe agree that so long as he doesnt hit you, you wont harm yourself, and the other way...