Triggering (SI) - Quitting SI changed my outlook on life (For the worse)

[HaiThurMiranda]

When I was SI-ing, I wasn't depressed, because it kept me content with my life and it helped me deal.

Well, Now that I quit, I'm depressed in a sense

well, I don't care about my future at all, because like, my thoughts now are "if i do this now, who cares what it does to my future! who knows how long i'll be around anyways?"

and like, because of it, i havent been doing well in school, and i've been bitchy to my mom, but i sure as hell have been having fun!

I've been the happiest i've been in a while now, but I can't help but feel it's for all the wrong reasons.

When I don't cut, I celebrate by myself by doing something fun (Whether it be good or bad) such as sneaking out of my house on a school night to go to a friend's house, or not doing homework, or indulging myself in a candy of some sort.

Because now instead of harming to get rid of my problems, i'm having fun to mask them.

Maybe if I just went back to cutting, my life would get back into order?

I don't know, I just don't understand myself anymore.

[ScarletTears]

I don't know what you should do. But when I try to quit cutting, I always use it as an excuse, like 'I can't do homework because I'll want to cut' which is not very good. I have just given up trying to quit, at least until I graduate (which is in the next few days). I may not be much help, but I can listen and commiserate! PM me anytime.

Beth xxx

[uffie.]

there's nothing wrong with letting yourself have a bit of fun.
I don't think you need to go back to cutting. you probably just need to work out what it is you want out of the situation.
you want to be happy? well. you can try and be happy without the indulgences, can't you?
it sounds like you need to change your perspective on things. your future is brighter without the SI, and to me, it sounds like you're trying to do things to ruin aspects of your future because you feel like thats the way you're going.
but you're only going that way because you THINK you're going that way. does that make sense?
hope things get better soon.