Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - am i being molested? Graphic* please help please!!!
I need help . . . is it molestation if you don't/can't say no or fight?
I'm sorry if this is in the wrong forum.
This may get long . . .
I live with a friend (stressing the word friend as platonic as it can be). Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but he's 15 years my senior and that's the most insignificant of my objections.
I can honestly say that without his help, i would not be alive. I ran to him for help when i hit rock bottom and he's helped me ever since. He's made me realize what's important and that i am of worth (although I'm still working on that one a bit).
Here's the problem though . . .
On the nights that i have major panic attacks (which considering the season is about 3-5 nights a week) when i literally can't pull myself up off the floor to go to bed, he is patient enough to pick me up and make sure i've taken my medicines (which were prescribed to help me sleep). And afterwards when I'm a bit more calm but still unable to stay still (either shaking or fidgeting) he'll lay down beside me and hold my hands so i can't do anything. At first i fight because when I'm like that i feel that i MUST move. But when i regain a bit more of my mind i am thankful for the help.
By this time my medications are well on their way to working (I'm not asleep, but just near it).
This is where it gets hazy . . . *CAUTION TAKE CARE IN READING ON*
He slowly and softly (as not to wake me) begins to thrust and rub "himself" against either my leg or side (depending on how I'm laying). I'm aware it's happening and sometimes if I'm still able i'll push away or roll over. But that only stops him for a minute or so until he thinks I'm asleep again. He'll do this for a few minutes growing in intensity. Then if I'm laying on my side facing the wall he'll shift me over so that i lay on my back. He'll take my hand and place it on "himself" rubbing sometimes through his pajamas, sometimes bare. Then he'll begin to rub "me" sometimes through my pajamas sometimes he'll put his hand down them. Eventually "playing" with me thrusting with his fingers. I try to fight but my meds. make it impossible. Sometimes he'll stop here and go to his bed. But sometimes he doesn't. If not, he'll roll me over again so that I'm facing him, and he'll wrap my legs around his waist. And again he'll start thrusting harder and harder, he'll play and tongue my breasts and sometimes even start to pull down my panties.
The scary thing is, i've asked him about it multiple times. But he always tells me that i must have been having a dream, or that i began to initiate something and he stopped it. I'm fairly sure he hasn't lied to me before. Is it possible I'm imagining all of this, a mix of exhaustion and a cocktail of meds? It seems so real, am i crazy? What so i do? help me please anything please!
can you stay somewhere else hun? a lot of dreams do come from somewhere and what you say sounds very specific. the mind is great at playing tricks, but im not sure its worth it if you can avoid it? is there any way you could lock your door once you are in your bed for the night? or get someone else to come stay with you for a bit that you trust? hmm you could always go super paranoid type and set up a video recorder.....but maybe thats just my head going bit over the top? :S i duno, i would just hate it if he is hurting you when you cant defend yourself.
thanks for the support guys.
i've made up my mind. It stops tonight.
I'm not well at all right now, but even if I'm up all night, he's not going to touch me. I stumbled upon the Pandora's Box, and made a pic that says exactly how i feel. "don't touch me"
only thing is, it hasn't show up yet.
Yes, that is sexual abuse & molestation. He is taking advantage of you when you are unable to fight back or defend yourself (because of your meds) and then he is trying to make you think you are imagining it by denying it. You need to get out of there! You need to tell somebody in your "real" life that you can trust and get away from him, maybe even press charges. I hope you find a way to become safe. xxx
im sorry for you being low level in your life, and i hope you feel better soon..
but i say you will need to take fake pills , and see if anything will happen if it does , and he does somthing at the initiate turnround with a grown and say huuu thanx now get off..
or what are you doing in a very clam slow grown ..
at any point dont act quik or surprised
or paniced
even take half your dose and let it help you act..
try and see if he does anything if he does than , tell him after a while like a week that you need to leave cos a relative called you or an old good friend wants to hear from tyou and see you for the week, and just dont go back hehehe
good luck
im sorry for you being low level in your life, and i hope you feel better soon..
but i say you will need to take fake pills , and see if anything will happen if it does , and he does somthing at the initiate turnround with a grown and say huuu thanx now get off..
or what are you doing in a very clam slow grown ..
at any point dont act quik or surprised
or paniced
even take half your dose and let it help you act..
try and see if he does anything if he does than , tell him after a while like a week that you need to leave cos a relative called you or an old good friend wants to hear from tyou and see you for the week, and just dont go back hehehe
good luck
i apolagize if it might sound cheeky at the ending.. hehehehe
but if you dont have a relative or friend than i sujest finding somewhere safe or get ajob and support your self how old are you?
