Ok we have been having this convo in my flat since one of the guys we know here has got his gf pregnant and they are both 17. He was saying how he is going to get "benifits" now to pay for the kid.
My flatmate was saying how she should get an abortion, they are both too young, cant support it and have to claim benifits, so basically we pay for them and the kid.
And also how the sex education fails as dundee has the higest rate of teen pregnacies in the uk.
so yeah veiws.
(btw its not on the right and wrong of abortion, there is already a thread for that)
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My best friends sister is 17 and shes having a baby.everyone assumes she and her bf will be going on benefits and that the baby is unplanned etc, but its not, theyve been together for 4 years and the kid is planned. its people like your flatmate that make everyone believe that every young person having a kid is a benefit scrounger.
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But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
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I thought Hartlepool had the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe?!!
But anyhow its one of those things where you have to judge it on individual cases, by then time I finished school at 16 5 girls in my year already had kids. Out of these, 4 were the benefit scrounger types, 2 didn't even know the fathers of their babies. But one girl is still with the father now, she carried on to 6th form and then went to uni to train as a primary school teacher. Ok so she was very lucky in having a family who would support her to do that. But it was a child she had planned to have. I think she does recieve some child support benefits, but her boyfriend works and contributes towards the kid.
To be honest, having a kid at that age,well its not ideal. She'd have been better waiting a few years till she'd finished college etc. etc. but then I guess who are we to say what ppl can and cant do.
There are a lot of teenage mums who are like yes great i get my own place for pretty much free, i don't have to work because i can get benefits. They annoy me.
But there are teenage mums out there who'd do anything for there child and don't want to be on benefits but at the time don't have the choice.
I do believe though that if they are in a relationship at least one of them should be working, at least part time and when the mother is able to go to work she should part time.
I don't think it's right to let them claim benefits for years on end, because that's what ends up happening.
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
There was a programme on (ITV One I think) a while back about this. There were a few mums on there who basically were saying things like 'I didn't bother using protection because it always fails', which I think is just silly. Yes, it will fail and it will work.
Quote:
There are a lot of teenage mums who are like yes great i get my own place for pretty much free, i don't have to work because i can get benefits.
I've never understood people like this. There's a couple I know who have a child and the father is a teenager. (the mother is slightly older than him, I think) Within a few months, he went back to work and she stayed at home to look after the child. He mentioned that she gets money for this, but he explained that she's staying at home so that she can see her child grow up and not just put him in a nursery all day whilst she goes off to work.
I've worked with young mums and most of them had actually planned their babies with a partner, some were working, some were on benefits until the child was older and some where unplanned pregnancies.
I just think, at the end of the day, who are you to judge anyone whose situation you don't know. Tarring all teen parents with the same brush is a stupid thing to do because everyone is different.
And just so you know, teenage pregnancy rates are based on the number of conceptions per year, not the number of births, so the statistics include those that were aborted, miscarried or stillborn, not just the amount of teenage mums a place has.
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I knew a girl at college who was 16.
she would sleep with anyone and in the space of the first year of college was pregnant twice and miscarried twice.
She refused to use protection as all she wanted was a baby, she didn't care if the father was around or if she worked or was on benefits, she just wanted a baby. Her words.
I didnt say it did.chances are had either of the child survived it would have never known its father, she admitted to me the father could be one of 6 people.
Pretty much with griddlebone here, I hate it when people assume things about young parents. My friend was 21 when she had her little girl and even at that age people were giving her ****. She's a single parent now because the dad [who she'd been with for 7 years] started being a complete ****. And she is awesome: she works, she's about to finish a degree in social work and she's a fantastic parent. But she still gets the 'no husband, no partNER????' judgemental stuff of people.
Pretty much with griddlebone here, I hate it when people assume things about young parents. My friend was 21 when she had her little girl and even at that age people were giving her ****. She's a single parent now because the dad [who she'd been with for 7 years] started being a complete ****. And she is awesome: she works, she's about to finish a degree in social work and she's a fantastic parent. But she still gets the 'no husband, no partNER????' judgemental stuff of people.
I get that, people look down on me because i look younger then i am. I am a young mum anyways as i'm 20 and had my little girl when i was 20 too. I'm now a single mother, and really i didn't have any other option to be. I'm going back to work part time in January, but the way some people look at you is disgraceful. It's like they look at me thinking, silly teen mum, i bet she's on benefits and doesn't treat her daughter right, you get some horrible looks. But if i looked older, i know for a fact i wouldn't get it.
People are way to quick to judge.
Sure there is a lot of parents, of any age on benefits, but the only ones who really get looked down on are the young mums and i think that's unfair.
Teen mums can be great, and better then some older parents. It's just because teen mums have a bad name about them.
I was watching the news this morning and it's actually only 4/10 teenagers who end having there baby 6/10 abort them.
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
As others have said, people shouldn't be so quick to make judgements about all "teen parents" as it depends on the individual, and if they're ready to be a parent. I do think that it's hardly ever a good idea for people to have kids when they're still in high school, although that's not to say that people can't still be good parents if they do end up having kids that young, or that I look down on people or anything, I just don't think that planning to have a kid at that age (or failing to use birth control) is generally a very good decision. But there are plenty of people who get married and have kids right out of high school, and I see nothing wrong with that most of the time. It's more a matter of being able to take on an adult role than being over a certain age or whatever. I also think it's crap to look down on people who do end up parents before they're really old enough - people who are having promiscuous sex at a young age, or who are making irresponsible decisions on that scale almost always have stuff going on that's behind it, and it always amazes me that people on a site about self injury can still be so quick to judge people for other forms of self-destructive behavior.
Emily
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I think a good way to decide on wether someone is old enough to have children or not is if they are old enough to take care of themselves.
For example, a 15 year old falls pregnant, at home it is her mother who does the cooking/cleaning/ironing. The 15 year old has no idea about budgeting money at all and could certainly not live on her own. To all intents and purposes this girl is still a child and it would be irresponsible for her to have a baby.
However say if someone slightly older (16 because then they're old enough to move out legally) fell pregnant. But they were a lot more streetwise. Had experience of housework and maybe had had a saturday job so new about budgeting. That person is a lot better equipped to become a mother. Having said that I don't really think its right to have a child before you can financially and emotionally support it yourself, but I dont think all teen parents can be tarried with the same brush.
But then again, I'm 20, live away from home, wold consider myself fairly responsible,but there's no way on earth I could look after a baby well. I just wouldn't know what to do, I'd break it or something!
^^
tbh, 15year olds should know how to tidy, iron, do the washing and cook basic food and if they don't then there parents should really stop doing everything for them. The money management thing, the father of my daughter is 23 and he is the worst person i've ever met for money management, you can't put an age on anything.
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
How does someone decide whether they (or others) are old enough to have children?
I don't think there really is a clear answer to that. People can definitely be too young to have kids, but I don't think that there's a clear transition to when they're suddenly old enough, or any sure way to know whether they're old enough, especially since a lot of times people do grow up a lot to take on the responsibility of a baby even though it seemed like they weren't mature enough for it until they were actually faced with it. But there still are people who just clearly aren't old enough even, it's just hard to explain exactly why.
Emily
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It depends on the people themselves.
If you get the teen mum getting her mum to look after the baby while she does nothing and the teen father playing the xbox all the time, then its possibly not a good thing. But then, at the same age, some teens are emotionally mature and responsible enough for a baby. It just depends on who you are.
But even then.. I'm not sure about 12 year olds.. xx
tbh, 15year olds should know how to tidy, iron, do the washing and cook basic food and if they don't then there parents should really stop doing everything for them. The money management thing, the father of my daughter is 23 and he is the worst person i've ever met for money management, you can't put an age on anything.<!-- / message -->
I just sort of mentioned it as a rough example, that if people are still being cared for themselves, then its a bit irresponsible for them to have a kid. And yes 15 year olds should be able to do all that, but from personal experience I know a lot of them that dont. I know I certainly did, when I was 15 my dad left and mum had a breakdown, so I did everything to run the house, but them some of my friends at that age would have struggled to make themlseves beans on toast!
