|
Rant - Feelings-hurting inside
Something i wrote feel a bit stupid just wanna scream!!!!
Miserable
Angry
Annoyed
Sad
Cant stand to be around people
Just want to be on my own, curled up in bed
I cant face talking to people, smiling at people
I cant do it
I just wish...that even for only a day, I could not think about hurting myself, not think about ways to kill myself, ways to hurt myself, not wake up completely exhausted.
I wish i could sleep, not take hours to get to sleep
Im sick of staring at the ceiling trying to get to sleep
And when I finally do get to sleep, I have nightmares about Dan, people hurting or abandoning me, I hate it, dreams of being alone, dreams of the pain he put me through,
I wake up after in few hours in a cold sweat, wishing that i was never born
Every night it is the same.
And every morning I wake up exhausted, even more exhausted than when I went to sleep
I cant do it much longer
I cant
Im tired
Im sick of feeling anxious, unbearably anxious
So sad, so miserable
Upset
Sick of wanting to hurt myself
Im sick off feeling this way
So tired of having to be 'OK'
How much I hurt my family, my friends
I cant hurt them anymore, I have to be OK, But Im falling again
Im on the edge, and I cant hold on much longer
Im sick of drinking, just to feel nothing and not caring what I do even if my health is at risk, just to be numb to everything, Im sick of life
Im sick and Im tired
Again
I cant hold on much longer, I cant keep fighting this
Its too hard
Why do i bother putting myself through talking about how I feel. Why do I even bother?
Im tired of keeping myself alive, of trying not to cut, not to drink, I have over a hundred fluoxetine tablets, left from when I changed meds, and its so tiring trying to stop myself from taking them all
Im tired of everything
Again
Things haven’t changed
They never will
I’m falling once again!!!
Laura
|
