Triggering (SI/OD) - I dont know what to do anymore
I cut this morning after 2 weeks. Thats the longest I have ever gone. I feel so so weak and stupid. I thought i would be ok, but i havent been ok for a long time. i dont know what to do. I had to cut, i wanted to, i thought maybe doing it is better than constantly thinking about it, cos thats all i do, think about killing myself, thinking about overdosing or think about cutting.
Ive got an exam tomorrow which i dont think i can face at all. All the others were before half term and all i can do is think about how i can get out of this one. i just want to Od again, i wont have to do it then, Im panicking at the thought of leaving the house, its all so pathetic.
I want to cut and cut til theres nothing left, take an OD and sleep. I cant though, i cant let my mum know im not ok. I cant let my best friend know im not, they all thought i should go to hospital when they dont know half of it.
i want to sleep for a long time, and wake up as someone else, i hate myself, i hate being like this. i just want it all over.
You sound like a very strong person. 2 weeks is excellent, that is a big achievement so you should be proud of that. If you were able to go two weeks without cutting now, then you can do it again. Don't give up on giving up cutting. Gain the control.
Is there anyone who you can talk to about how you are feeling? Don't feel that you are weak, for admitting your not ok. Everyone has times in their life where they aren't ok, and everyone has times where they need to talk about how they are feeling. It doesn't make you a weak person for admitting your not ok. Be brave babe, and try and talk to someone. The sooner you reach out for help, the closer you are to feeling better.
Hang in there, please don't give up.
Im here if u need 2 talk, pm me anytime. :)
x x
[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]
MASSIVE HUGS!! I know how bad an effect exam can have, I had two this morning and I had a very unsafe night last night :/
But please keep in mind that at least some of the stress will go when this exam is over. So please dont do anything permanant till after thats over, if ever :( sweetie
Exams are a c*nt but you dont need qualifications to be happy, and thats probably the most wanted thing in life. Whatever happens, you will be ok, you will be exactly the same after the exam, nothing has changed, so it doesnt matter what happens in the exam.
Take care, I hate to admit that some test has such a bad effect but i seem to be opening my eyes up to it a bit more. I dont know if you get this, but i get a huge sence of relief after an exam, even if it is for only a few hours. If you tend to get this, look forward to how great that will feel and how its great to have just gotten it over with.
X Marie X
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
As everyone has said and I’ll repeat; two weeks is a brilliant achievement and you should be focusing on that, not the slip up you make.
Think of it this way; at some point in the past did you ever believe you could ever make it to two weeks? No. Probably not, but you’ve done it once and you’ll now be able to do it again when you feel ready. Keep pushing the limit of how far you can go and you’ll get there.
Oding over an exam is unnecessary and you’re a stronger person than that. You might not think it, you might not see it but you are. You really are. Just calm down, go into the exam, sit down and take some very deep breaths. You’ve done exams before so you know that they do come to an end just as that one will too. Then you’ll be able to come home and it’ll be one more thing off of your mind. You only have to do it once; it’s going to be ok.
Hang in there, sweetheart. We’re behind you every step of the way.
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.
By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.
hey u have made it this far, that is an amazin achivement. i had the same problem, gettin so far then lettin my problems overcome me again.
carry on how u did last time as try again. that is all u can do. u sound a very strong person and am sure u can do it again
Old post, i know, but i've got to show some love for you, remember our 10 year plan!! ;) Yea, said it once, say it again, you're teh bestest stalker i've ever had xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wuv you loads, hope you feel better xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx !!!!!
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
Far from being a failiure, these two weeks were proof to you that you CAN do without it. Perhaps not for as long as you would like right now - but you can be the one who controls you and that is something to be pleased and proud about - not hopeless.
Good luck with things. My best advice is to talk talk talk on RYL and to anyone else you can, try to open up and try to gather some confidence in support. The moment when you are able to talk about what is bothering you and tackle it in your mind, rather than pushing it to the back of your mind and hoping it will go away is the moment when you will be able to stop with ease.
Sian sorry i didn't see this when you needed it. i've kind of been lurking in the shadows of ryl for the last few weeks. but i did talk to you on msn when you were feeling bad so i knew. so this is a bit point less. i guess i'm just saying that i didn't see this and if i did see it at the time i would have replyed. you seemed a bit better last night wich is good. we will go to a festival! hehe
