Sometimes I am very glad I dont suffer from Arachnophobia. Tonight was one of those times.
I was sitting herem calmly minding my own business, contributing to the smut found in Vets, when this huge, menacing shadow catches my eye.
I turn slowly. Holding my breath, my heart, stopping with fearful anticipation...
And see the enemy.
A spider. A MASSIVE spider. Easily as long tip to tip as my hand width, though probably more.
I gasp, my heart rises to my throat, and i let out an ear piercing EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EE
I grab a container and lid, and try to coax him into the container.
But, oh no, this deceptive bastard is clever, and he dodges the container, and works his way down the wall, below my bed, where I wont be able to reach him.
Now, there is no way is HELL im sleeping with this cunning ****er crawling around.
I walk out to the loungeroom, and pace and shake and squeal a little, before grabbing the broom.
Using the bristles I force him up the wall, and towards the open window.
When I finally get him to the window, i get him outside with the most triumphant and forceful flick I can muster.
arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh! they are nasty lookin things *is glad of english spiders* Ours are just big fat spiders with doccers on. He looks real creepy and quiet!
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
i was out having dinner one time when my roommate txted me... saying there was a massive spider in our apartment... i freaked out as i had seen her picking up spiders 8cm across without even a flick of fear.
when i went home, it turned out they had 'lost' the spider (she had enlisted the neighbours, but in the panic had got her japanese wrong and said "please help me there is a giant fruit in my apartment" - somehow they got the message, but couldn't find the spider)...
she said the spider was 25cm across and big and hairy...
i slept with the light on and my eyes wide open
that was a friday night.
saturday the light was off but my eyes were still wide open.
sunday i put it all down to a bad dream on her part.........
MONDAY morning i stumble to the sink to fill my coffee pot and find a HUGE GINORMOUS SPIDER STARING AT ME. not 25cm, but definitely close to 20cm. BIG. HAIRY. TERRIFYING.
i hollered for my roommate and she came running. she decided she wanted to free it... so i agree to stand on a chair and bring my bedroom bin down on top of it (a pint glass was too small!!!).
as i am slowly lowering, the crafty bugger DARTS at me, i shriek, jump backwards and land on my bum on the floor - chair and bin on top of me... but we realise the spider is stuck in the sink.
this is when i show no mercy. i get the spider spray and spray for all my worth. if finally slows down and we get the bin on top of it.
but now what. after a few minutes it wakes up a bit, and is able to MOVE THE BIN by running at it from inside. i freak out (again), shove the plug in the sink and drown the sucker. it was horrible - lots of banging and running, and i actually felt bad.
but i could SEE his EYES and his TEETH.
turns out it was a huntsman. i can't help but shudder every time i think about it.
and i had to share. sorry for freaking anyone out.
Awwwww bless!! It's only a tiddler!! I get bigger, fatter and hairier buggers than that in MY house!
I thought Ozland was supposed to be inundated with big hairy-arsed bastards that can pull your arms off and kill you from the other side of the room with only a sidewards glance!?! Or am I thinking of the opal miners...? lol
I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano, A stage, where every one must play his part; And mine a sad one.
Yikes! I would have been squealing for my husband to save me. Never mind saving it. It could make more. If they're outside in their house I leave them alone. If they're in my house they get evicted alive or dead.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
"Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Jeez, a scorpion, yeah I can imagine that would be scary. I held a rhino beetle on the same day as the tarantula (this one lady in Costa Rica whose house I went to kept them as pets) and it was as big as the tarantula, but its legs were all spindly and stuff, and its feet stuck to my hand. It was creepy! And very ugly too.
Laura
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa
Awwwww bless!! It's only a tiddler!! I get bigger, fatter and hairier buggers than that in MY house!
I thought Ozland was supposed to be inundated with big hairy-arsed bastards that can pull your arms off and kill you from the other side of the room with only a sidewards glance!?! Or am I thinking of the opal miners...? lol
Oh YEAH!? You forget, why would he try to cleverly disguise himself as a harmless stick insect? He wasnt big and hairy, he was cunning... A creature of pure..... eeeeeevil.....
And whoops, your story had me in stitches.
You will all be pleased to know that I survived the night. Granted I was sitting on my bed all night armed with a torch and a can of bug spray, spraying every imaginary spider that crossed my sleep-deprived hallucinations...
^ Haha, I definitely would have done the same thing in that situation.
Story time:
Last school year, my roommates and I had a little problem with gnats getting in through the window of our dorm room. Like, thousands of them. They mostly camped out on the fluorescent light on the ceiling. We didn't have any bug spray, so I sprayed them all with hair spray, hoping it would kill them or at least keep them stuck to the light so they wouldn't swarm around my head or anything like that. It worked, but then we had a bunch of dead gnats stuck to the light and none of us were brave enough to wipe them off. So we just left them there for the rest of the school year, about a month or so. It was pretty gross to look at. And of course the light was almost right over my top bunk bed, so I lived in fear of having dead gnats fall on me in the middle of the night.
The end.
Laura
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa
