I'm here if you need me, if I can do anything, let me know
*sparkly hugs*
You know that harming yourself won't change anything, nor make anything better. You know better ways to deal with it. Presumably you have therapy very soon (Friday?) keep talking to us and hang on.
i want to help, you've helped me so much, and now i want to help you. You're even helping me with the doctors thing when u feel crap. I really want to help you. xx
I understand. I am just coming to terms with everything I didn't have.
Thank you for expressing yourself so well with your photos.
Hugs
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
That photo of me - I look so much younger than my age, my hair is so ugly - I could never choose how I wanted my hair, I am so thing, and the dark circles under my eyes. I was so unhappy but noone noticed, noone cared.
I'm sure that by the time you get this you'll probably have had therapy, but I thought I would reply anyway :)
I know how badly you feel about your hair when you were younger, but maybe you can change that now. Maybe today (or when you feel safe) you could go to a hair salon or somewhere to get your hair done properly and professionally and in a style you like. Maybe it might remind you that you are you (if that makes sense).
It can be hard looking back at pictures like that. I can relate about being so unhappy in pictures and no one realising. Is it possible that maybe they did realise but didn't know what to do about it? Don't forget that back then mental health problems were widely misunderstood, so maybe they saw you were unhappy but didn't know what to do. If I remember right your mum also suffered from mental health problems, so maybe she thought how you were was 'normal'? (I hate the word normal, but I couldn't think of a better one). I'm not saying you are not normal or anything, but being ill is not right and maybe because of her illness, the unhappiness she saw is you she might have thought is there in everyone to such a degree. Have you ever talked to either of your parents about this?
You are thin, but as I understand it, you are quite a naturally thin person, so that is just how you are genetically. As for the bags, lots of people have bags under their eyes, it might remind you of bad times but maybe also try to balance it with lots of teenagers look tired at that age because their bodies are changing so much.
Given that you don't feel you were in the best shape back then, maybe you could go totally the other way and put yourself in the best shape now, your favourite clothes, whatever you do to make yourself feel good. You have felt bad for so long, hurting yourself won't make it better, it just keeps you in that place where you were treated badly, maybe treat yourself well because you certainly deserve that FAR more.
How are you doing now?
Last edited by Nonny : 06-12-2007 at 03:46 PM.
Reason: Clarity of wording
longing tears, I'm so sorry that you're going through all this pain. Those photos you uploaded were very emotional....I could see the pain coming from them.
keep talking
much love
xxxxx
My therapist often suggests I go to a hairdressers. I always trim and colour my hair myself. A very bad experience when I was 16 has put me off hairdressers for life. I prefer to be in control... Maybe one day....
My mum and dad had/ve mental health problems - both untreated and undiagnosed. So, yes, their idea of 'normality' is kind of skewed.
I'd like to be able to talk to my parents, but I'm scared of upsetting my mum and alienating my dad... maybe when there's a right moment...
I do my best with clothes now. It took me the longest time to be allowed/able to choose my own clothes, and to not hide under mountains of baggy jumpers.
My therapist is indeed very very good. :) I'm so grateful for her.
And I'm grateful for all of you. Your words mean a lot to me.
I know that feeling of being put of hairdressers, but there are good ones out there. Maybe you could book a consult with someone about what might look good in your hair (you only then make an appointment to have it done if you like what they said), or maybe just go for a wash and a style (i.e. maybe straightening, or having it put up in a special way, this works well for things like works parties, or any special occasion). That way they are not doing anything bad to your hair and not changing the style and if you don't like what they have done you can wash it out when you get home. Also, if you don't like it, you can then go and do the same process with someone else. Maybe you could try and get a recommendation from someone.
Maybe then it wasn't that they didn't care? Just that they were ill and their illness bought ignorance?
Talking to people about it can be hard, and I am sure you will know the right time if it arises, but you are articulate enough to be able to say it in a non confrontational way, so that shouldn't alienate them. At the risk of being blunt, you probably need to do it while they are both still here otherwise it may feel unresolved in your forever, and that's not fair on you. Maybe talking to them and understanding from their angle might give you some closure? Or you could try writing a letter if you think they might be more receptive to that, or that might be easier for you. There are lots of options if you choose to do this but I do know how hard it is, I've let things slip to my parents about my childhood, and they never had a clue, and when I brought them up it somehow became all about how I was bad, or all about them, both of those conversations went very badly, so Ican relate to your fear, but you know that yours might be more positive given that you have more understanding and could approach it in a better way than I did.
It's good you try your hardest with clothes, if you feel good in what you wear, then you'll project that outwards as well as inwards.
