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Triggering (SI) - God I'm such a screw up.
Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to be so freaking sensitive? Why can't I just have a happy, normal life? Why am I always the problem? I feel so stupid, my life isn't that bad, others have it much worse. And no matter how many times I tell myself this, I always end up feeling like crap. No, my mother doesn't cook dinner for me, I just pop something in the microwave. Some people don't have any food. So what if my family hates each other, so what if we define dysfunction? At least I have a family. So what if I don't have the latest expensive cell phone or iPod, I need to be glad that we got the house payment paid this time. But none of that matters, in the end it all comes back to me and how horrible I feel. I tried so hard to push the thoughts out of my head, and for a few months I managed it. But I'm weak, I can't control my emotions or the actions they bring. I'm so angry with myself for self harming today. I tried, I really did, but I did it anyway. I'm so sick of feeling like this, I'm so sick of all the fighting, so sick of everything. Somedays it's so hard I just can't get out of bed. I'm a walking zombie. I'm so numb to it all and I hate that. And I hate that I have no one to talk to. No one ever listens, I always listen to everyone, always. I play therapist for them so they will feel better, but the role is never reversed. And on the off chance that someone does offer to listen to me I feel so stupid, I feel like a dumb whiny little kid. I don't know, I just need something. Anything at this point.
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