We don't have children so it's a bit hard for us to try to give advice. So obviously these are our thoughts but we have no children to really know what it is like.
Just thinking back when we was younger, we wouldn't want someone else telling our private stuff to the therapist human. That was really damaging and horrible to have experienced, because then the therapist human never believed us and only believed our parents. We think it would be better to let her tell them if she is comfortable. Because if she's not comfortable talking to them, or talking about it in general that is something that should be respected. Also same goes for if she decides the therapist human you find isn't a good fit. Find a different one, ideally with her input. Have you checked to see if she even wants one at all? Does she WANT to talk to a therapist human? Is she open to it? Because if not, forcing it can also make things worse. If a therapist human isn't something she wants, maybe you can work together to identify a different way for her to get support - whether that's through some type of group, club, or even coaching or similar. Also if you do look for a therapist human to try to look for one who also is knowledgable and open to using a harm reduction strategy vs just straight up stopping.
Re supporting and helping her, does she know you used to self harm? We wouldn't assume she feels how you do, because if someone said that to us even now we would be mad about it. But you could disclose that you used to self harm, you've stopped now, and say that while you don't understand what it's like or what's going on for her, it is also a thing you have struggled with.
Otherwise just maybe thinking about it in terms of harm reduction. If she's not ready to stop, making sure she knows to use clean tools, make sure she's got proper first aid supplies and knows how to use them, and make sure she knows what to do if she actually does require medical attention - who can she tell (even if it's not you).
We used to be forced to show our cuts to our therapist human so they could check them for healing and infection and we found that to be pretty horrible and invasive. So if she's not comfortable sharing them, at the very least talk to her about what proper healing looks like, how to know if something gets infected, and have a plan for who she might tell. Oh, and make sure she's up to date on tetanus jabs.
Also although it's summer now, talk to her about the risks of self harming in school. Most self harm tools can be considered weapons, and bringing a weapon into a school (especially in the US) is not a good idea. So if she's ever considering or has been self harming at school, maybe you can work with her to create a plan so that she leaves the tools at home, but can come home early or go to a nurse's office or similar if the urges get to be too much to handle? Again do this all with her input and her consent.
Basically what we would suggest is let her have say and control of things, even if it means she continues to self harm and/or doesn't want to get professional help. Because at least for us being forced to try to stop actually made it worse and made us hide it more. So just trying to help find ways to make it as safe as possible if she must self harm and isn't ready to stop. Also not freaking out about it or making it a huge deal if she does self harm or tries to talk about it, because that's again the type of stuff for us that can make it difficult to not just talk about but the pressure and stress of knowing parents will freak out can make it even more difficult to stop. There's valid ways to express your own concerns and worry for her that don't involve big reactions.
Hopefully that made some sense, and again we have no children so if this is horrible advice feel free to ignore.
Last edited by Auror. : 15-07-2023 at 05:56 PM.
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