I am having a really bad time at the moment, i can't seem to think straight at all.One minit i am really high and tottal over the top happy, and the next minit i am really really down. I am not sleeping, and i feel like i am going mad. i phoned my councellor this morning, and she wants me to go to the doctors to at least get some thing to help me to sleep, cos i don't want to go back on the anti depressants, i don't think they gonna help. but i not sure how i can go on like i am. i just want it all to stop, to just feel normal, and not having all this going on in my head. It just won't stop.
I feel like i am letting everyone down. i don't know what to do? If i did go to the doctors, would i have to tell them about the cutting? My councellor asked me about it on the phone, and i couldn't tell her that i had this morning, and that i still want to.
I'm sorry for posting this, i don't wan't to bother anyone, but i really didn't know where else i could go.
She is gonna phone me this afternoon to find out what i wanna do.And i not sure that i can give an answer.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
Hi hun,
Im sorry you're finding things so hard, it sounds life is quite difficult for you at the moment. Can I ask what it is that you dont like about anti-depressants? It sounds like you need something to help regulate your mood.
I know the prospect is terrifying but when you go to the doctor I really think you should tell them everything, nothing bad will happen, but they will be able to help.
You dont need to apologise at all, RYL is here to support people, its what we do best :) Not sleeping and having these mood swings must be exhausting, I really hope things can get sorted for you. Take care.
Aimee
I took the anti depressants before, the first time they where really good, but the last time they weren't very helpful at all. And i am so worried that someting awful will happen, am not very good at telling stuff anyway, and am really worried that if i go to the doctors and tell it all, that they will do something like take my kids away (not that there is any reason to, they have everything that tey could ever need and more) and i just can't get the thought out of my head that i am letting them down, and someone is gonna come and take them away. I think my counciller will help me with the doctors if i decide to go. I am just so tired, i don't know what i think or feel any more.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
Why don't you try and write a letter?
That way you will say only what you need to say.
I know it seems scary, but they are not going to take your children away, you can get the right support and keep your children, you're not expected to cope on your own.
i don't know. everything in my head is telling me not to go, and that more people are gonna find out what a bad person i am. but i really want to go to sleep. proper sleep, without nightmares, without anything.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
hello there
I'm sorry that you're struggling so much at the moment, sounds tough, particulary if your moods are that up and down.
It would be a good idea if you did go to the docs. Try not to be afraid, all they want to do is help you, they wont take your kids away from you, hugs.
There are lots of medicines out there, perhaps you just didnt have the right ones last time.
Perhaps you could print off what you wrote up the top here and show it to the doc. It explains quite clearly the problems you have been having. I've done that before when I just dont hae the courage to say anything. It really helps.
Ty for your kindness, I am still trying to decide whether or not to go to the doctors, but am thinking that i might.My coucellor phoned me back yesterday and she is gonna phone me to see if i am alright today. I see her tommorrow anyway, but she said if i wanted to see her today, then she would make sure she could see me. The thing is i don't like bothering people,and i know she has other people to see and stuff.
Managed to get a little bit of sleep last night, but not much, and when i did sleep, i was getting nightmares, and ended up keeping OH awake! so maybe i will just not go to bed tonight so he can get some decent sleep, and if i not asleep then i can't get nightmares.
I just wish that all the stuff in my head would just stop and go away, and i wish that just for one day i could feel normal
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
pls do try and tell the couns. all. Like suggested, write iot out (or print this off) and just walkin and hand it to her, you dont have to say a word ...i've had to do that many times, many many times lol. Im not great at talking either; not about the really im portant things anywyas.
It's good to hear your couns. is so readily available...pls take advantage of this...it is rare. I she didnt want to heaer form you..she wouldn't tell you to call right?
Pls try to open up..i know fear of losing your child()ren) is scary and was a big worry of mine, but nothing like that has ever happened. So ther's one less worry.
Pls let her help you...sounds like she could be good for you.
pls let us know how it goes, ok?
PM anytime too
My councellor has phoned, and she said that we will talk about why i scared to go to the doctors and the nightmares and sleeping and stuff tommorrow at our session. I know eveyone thinks i am being silly about being scared, but i really am, and it is a really big thing for me.
My counceller is really good, and she says that she really cares about me, though i know that she is only saying that cos she is supposed to, cos it's her job, but she is really good, and because it is in a family center and they have lots of things for children going on, like toddler groups and stuff, she has got to know the whole family, and i already knew her from all of that before i started going to see her for my stuff.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
I went to my friends tonight , and i wish i hadn't. she took my daughter out last night, to the libery, and my daughter asked her why mummy was so sad all the time, and she said that she wished i could go into town with her cos she would like to show me the christmes lights, and she knows that i can't go into town, cos there are too many people, and thatshe wishes she could make me happy and stuff like that. She said that people at school have been saying that some thing is wrong with me and i don't look very happy. And she told me that she wants me to snap out of it. So for the second time this week, i have been told that i have no right to be depressed and that i should snap out of it, cos i am letting everybody down. I just feel like such ***t at the moment, i am such a failier and even my kids know what a bad mum i am. i am sorry for rambling on an i don't expect that anyone will notice anyway, and i just wih that everything would stop. Do people not think that i would snap out of it if i could? do they think that i like feeling like this?i really hate myself already is telling me how much i am failing my kids gonna help me feel any better? I try my best. If she knew me a few years ago, she would know how much i am trying for my kids.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
Depression is not something you can snap out of. It is a medical condition that involves chemicals and nerves in the brain.
You are not waste, you are not a bad mom. Being depressed is not a matter of deserving it or not.
As for bothering your OH, does that mean other half? Do you have a sofa or easy chair where you can sleep? I do that when I have a cold, that way when I cough or get up to get something to drink, it doesn't disturb my husband. I miss him when I do that. I usually wake up earlier than he does so when I've spent the night on the sofa, I crawl in with him and snuggle for a bit.
You're not bad. You just have the disease of Clinical Depression.
Hugs.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
blondie bear is right, depression is a clinical condition, it's illness. This doesn't mean that you cant beat it. IT sounds like you're doing all you can to find some support and help yourself to get better and thats really wonderful.
sendin hugs
xxx
Ty for all the support you are giving me, i think i really need it at the moment.
I went to my councelling session this morning, and made the disision to go to the doctor, and my councellor phoned them up and took me there, and came in with me.The doctor has prescribed me antidepressants, and she said that these ones will help me with the anxiety, and will also help me with the sleeping thing as well. She has also refered me to the mental health team, and a group for helping women who have been abused.I am not sure how i feeling about all this, and i have not stoped shaking since then, am still shaking now, so much that it is hard to type. I phoned work and said that i couldn't come in, cos i wasn't feeling well, and she asked me straight out if it was the depression, so maybe i havn't been hiding things as well as i thought i had been. She was really supportive, which i wasn't expecting and she has said that when i go in to pick up my wages tommorrow, she will try and make time to sit down and talk to me.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
