Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - It went to far. I dont know..... *adult*
I dont know how to feel. We were supposed to be playing. Doing a rape fantasy. But we had a safe word, it was going to be safe. Then I said the safe word and he didnt stop. He just kept on going and going.
I dont know how to feel. I said yes. It was all consensual at the begining. I dont know if i was raped. I feel violated, dirty. I dont know. Its like im really numb and on the surface are these feelings that just drift off.
please help.
This happened a while ago, but i keep having issues about it. I just want to know what you think.
Was I raped?
Last edited by craola : 03-12-2007 at 11:02 AM.
Reason: Removed the word 'rape' from the title.
Honey no means no and you had EVERY right to expect him to stop when you said the "safe" word.
You had an agreement to keep yourselves safe and he broke that knowingly. If you have said no and yet he forced things further then yes, he has violated your trust big style. In a court of law that would be seen as rape.
I know the feelings you're going through and it was hugely brave of you to talk about them. I know going over it isn't easy.
The feelings you have are incredibly justified and they may take a long time to heal. I would suggest that to do so though, you need to stay away from this guy.
If it is safe to do so, try and find out why he did that when he knew you wanted to stop. If it's your boyfriend, I'm assuming you're still around him, but only be near him or talk to him if you feel safe.
You come first here.
If you don't feel comfortable then go somewhere you can feel safe and loved like you deserve. No one deserves to go through that and I know the pain you're feeling but if you keep talking, keep getting out how you feel, the pain will lessen, slowly,but it will.
What I think is that you are an incredibly brave woman and your trust has been trampled on and you need some time away from him to work things out. No means no. Period.
Sending huge hugs to you hon and please, please PM me anytime you want to talk. I can give you my email address if it's easier.
You are NOT on your own with this, I'm with you all the way.
You have my word.
Lou xxx
Han7777777 is my dear RYL sister.
Ordette a.k.a prs100 is my RYL Daughter
Thankyou. Thankyou both of you.
No he isnt my bf. I am trying to stay away from him, but he is a friend of my friends, and i havent told them or anyone what happened. They keep talking about him as if he is wonderful, and inside i feel like im screaming "HE RAPED ME". but no one can hear. I didnt go to the police, and it is too late now, i have no proof. But i dont know what would help. Im scared to tell my psychologist, and im scared of seeing my friends now incase they invite him, or talk about him.
Thankyou for your support, again.
Hun you should tell your psychologist, you can still tell the police, you have every right to but I can see how it could be scary not having any proof. You should definitely talk to your psychologist though, he/she will be able to help you learn to deal with it and help you find ways of being around your friends without being around him. If you want to press charges which you have every right to do he/she should be able to help you with that to.
You have nothing to be afraid of, you are the one who has been wronged, no one is going to judge you or hate you or anything like that, but you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.
Take care hun
Aimee
Hoping-one-day and craola have said some very wise words, I totally agree. Like they said, no means no. I am just so so sorry this happened to you.
If posting some more helps you then please do so.
Please dont feel alone in all of this.
Many many hugs
xxxxxxxxxx
Thankyou so so much. I am seeing my psych today, I might tell her, i dont know. Im just afraid she will want me to press charges. I dont want to. He has a wife and three kids, I dont want to ruin them. I wouldnt mind him rotting in prison, but his family would go down with him, and i cant do that.
Thankyou for all the advice and support, it is wonderful to know that you guys are there and that you give a ****.
so...I guess i really was raped? I dont know what i should think or feel about that.
You do have the right to go to the police, but no one can ever make you do anything you don't want to so please don't let that stop you talking to your psych. She cant make you do that so dont let it stop you get the help you deserve.
Irenes advice is really good, if you could tell, even one of your friends what happened it would make things a lot easier for you, you wouldnt have to deal with it on your own anymore and even if its just that one they can look out for you. Take care, I hope your psych appointment goes well.
Aimee xx
I don't have much to add to what everyone else has said other than I am so sorry this happened to you. You really should talk to your psych because that is what they are there for. Don't be afraid to reach out when you need to, whether it's here or with someone else you trust. Please take good care of you!
why would you help clean me up if i'm the mess you never made?
this is a difficult situation. one some people might refer to as a 'grey area'. On one hand yes he did rape you. on the other, was he aware that is what was happening? did he hear you use your safe word? Rape fantasies are a big turn on for some, but they always have that potential for danger. In the heat of the moment if one of you forgets the safe word then it becomes more complicated. If one of you has different ideas about what is going to happen then again its not so clear.
is there anyway you could contact him via email or some non face-to-face way to explain how you feel and what in your mind happened so he can tell you what he thought was happening that might shed more light on it. I'm not in anyway condoning rape or saying that you don't have every right to feel violated. but sometimes it can help to get the other person's side of it. If you do send any letters, keep copies incase you do go to the police. mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
