I cut my f***ing wrists today. I think it was just an impulse, and I feel like a complete idiot, because I've been doing so well. I think it's because I've been thinking a lot about how it's so obvious that I have all these ugly scars on my arms, but very few people I'm supposedly "close to" ever ask what they're from. That triggered me for some weird reason...not for attention, mind you, but from some sort of shame.
I know this is sooo screwed up, but I wish they would ask me so I could tell them the truth. So many strangers know what my friends and family don't!!
This whole day I've been uncharacteristically energetic, but there's that voice in the back of my head that's still telling me to look at my body and see the past and how much of a bad, disgusting person I am. Ugh.
I feel so stupid for this...I guess I should be going to the ranting forum. I want it to all go away.
Sorry to clog the threads. I just need to feel like there's someone who I'm talking to about this, instead of myself. I'm isolated. In f***ing sunny california. Stupid.
Sorry. I'm going to stop talking now.
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
I also dont think your stupid disgusting or needy. I really feel for you i just want you to know that im always here for you if ever you want someone to talk to ok. I really hope things improve for you soon. I also know what its like to hate yourself. Iv hated myself many times but i find it never gets me anywhere in fact i find it makes me worse hating myself. I know that things seem bleak now but it wont always be this way. Iv never spoken to you before but what i will say is that you should be proud of yourself for doing this thread for may people it takes alot of courage to get help and to post. We all care about you on here and we will do the best we can to help you. Take care best wishes Ian
I agree with everyone else that you're not being needy, etc and that you're obviously in some genuine pain and are trying to deal with it the only way you know.
I know this might not help, but when I finally told some of my friends about SI-ing, they said they had noticed the scars but didn't want to say anything. I guess I'm just saying that I'm sure they care about you a lot, but I know how hard it can be when you think no one has noticed when you're upset/in pain.
It's so hard to get that cycle of "I'm bad...I'm depressed...I'm bad because I'm depressed...I'm worthless...I'm bad" out of my life. Sigh. I feel for all of you that have gone through the same thing...thanks for your support. It's difficult for me to talk about these things without feeling like a total idiot. *tear*
I appreciate it.
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
Alright chica, you're not being needy OR stupid. I'm sorry you cut. Could you maybe bring this up with those close to you? I really don't have any advice as I'd rather like those close to me to not know, or at least not mention it.
Please take care of yourself sweetie.
*huge hugs*
Alyssa
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
