...?

[Perey]

didn't really know where to write this because there are so many darn sections on here and trying to categorise yourself like that is so impossible sometimes.

i feel really lost right now. sort of like none of my emotions are really real right now. I sort of want to cry, but at the same time i can't because i don't have reason to. i feel like i'm on the verge of thinking way too much about everything and finding myself in this hole that i've been working really hard to get out of for the past couple of months. I'm scared that if i think about everything too much then i'll be back there again, but i'm scared that if i don't think about it then it'll be like denying everything and i'll just go numb and stop feeling anything at all.

what the hell am i even going on about??? aaaaaaa!!

i guess ultimately i just feel lonely with this whole thing. taking medication has helped boost me into stopping hurting myself and being less depressed all the time. for the first time in ages i'm beginning to be layed back and calmer about things, i'm getting school work done and not worrying too much about everything i've still got to come. but at the same time everything feels so artificial. it's weird. i don't know. I guess i'm not explaining this very well.

and i'm worried that i'm not spending enough time with a friend who's also on this site. in all honesty, i only have a vague idea of why she's on here as she's never directly explained it. i really want to be there for her because she's been there for me and i've told her so much. but i'm not there for her- i'm not sure i know how to be.

writing about all of this is bringing me down even more, actually. its weird- i don't think i was planning on writing any of this when i started a new thread. i'm probably in completely the wrong section and i can't see why anyone would be really that bothered about this stuff or me. i don't know. why would anyone be? i'm just another weirdo with a problem.

i annoy myself when i get like this. much further and i start hating myself. that's what scares me the most. when i'm left on my own and its just me with myself and i can only pretend to be my friend for so long before the whole reality of it all sets in and i have to acknowledge that i can't stand it.

haven't spoken or even thought about half of this in about two and a half weeks now- since i started the meds really. i think it'll be safer for me to stop now.

[Silver Phoenix]

Heya,

I know how you feel. I think alot of it could be to do with starting the meds and still getting used to them. You say you don't know how to be there for your friend, you have told her you are there for her which is the main thing and she knows she can turn to you if need be. Other than speaking/texting etc her regularly then there isn't much else you can do.

Maybe try to arrange to meet up with your mate at some point this week?

Hope what I have said has been of some help. For now just try and hang in there and see if things get better in a few weeks.

Take care

xx

[green.eyes]

hey,
just wanted to say i kinda get what you mean about things being artificial but it IS worth fighting the thoughts and feelings that are going to lead you back into a hole. maybe come back to them when you can look at them rationally and get a better perspective.
as for your friend- al you can do is be there for her if she wants to talk and hope she'll come to you- in the meantime don't beat yourself up about it.
oh and ryl is full of us weirdo's with problems. i wouldn't worry about that!!!!
take care hun
PM me anytime

[Snow White.]

Hey Perey,

Even though the improvements you are seeing seem artificial to you - they are some very good improvements. With time, they will become more natural and something that you do, not that the medication needs to help with. I often view medication as a stepping stone to getting back on track, and from there - the work is all your doing, so be proud cause it sounds like you're doing some good work.

You're now "just another wierdo with a problem" - you're an important person who we are here to help. So keep posting when you need to, it's often very important to be able to write this sort of thing out, even if it doesn't feel good now at least you've got it out of your head - if that makes any sense!

Don't let worrying about a friend bring you down more if you don't feel in a place to spend time with them. If you do, however, as someone has suggested you could meet up with them or even just give them a phone call or text, to see how they're doing.

& Medication can take a while to work, so stick with it as you're only in early days. It sounds like you're overwhelming yourself with your own thoughts [common!] so I really do suggest you keep writing them down instead, so you don't have to keep thinking about them.


Best Wishes & Take Care,
Aimee-Roxanne xoxo