i normally post on the other forums, but i am 27, and just feeling so like god its enough already. why do i still obsess in this awful addiction/habit/illness when so many years have passed being in the hospitals and paining my family etc.
i cant stop the cycle. i just got a job and my family is all thinking everything is fine and dandy, but i spend half the time wanting to cut and the other half the time wanting to die. ive had many stitches lately and been to the psych hospital for evaluation. i have this new job tho and its like i gotta make things work becuase i cant handle more hospitals and crappy stuff, but all i want to do is cut.
am i just totally nuts and crazy as anything and not gonna ever get better? its been 8 long years, and it feels like its never gonna end...at least not until i kill myself by accident.
id appreciate any support, i am just really upset and down and scared.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” - pooh bear
hello there, I'm glad you felt able to post and you are very welcome in vets.
I totally understand you when you ask yourself why you still obsess over cutting/selfharm in general. I think a lot of us on here could say the same thing. It's a case of taking each day step by step, encouraging yourself to stay strong and fight the urge, reminding yourself of the better things in life.
killing yourself would definately not be the solution though. Only deep pain and tragedy would happen. Its too final, to severe, and the pain you would leave behind you for your family and friends. I know how it feels when you want it all to end, but try to hang on in there.
let us know how you are getting on.
love hammy xxx
Even though things seem really hard for you at the moment, it doesn't mean they will be forever. You're obviously trying very hard and you have a wonderful determination, so please don't give up, don't give in because you know it isn't the answer in the long run.
It's understandable that you're down and scared - but we're here for you. *care bear hugs*
Keep fighting, you've come a long way, don't give up now hun.
Love Aimee xo
It is always difficult when you're getting used to a new job.
I understand the urge to cut and the cycle of it.
I went three years without cutting. Then I started back in December and even though I haven't for a couple of months, I think about it frequently, especially when i'm mad at myself. I've wondered about giving myself permission to do it through the date when I started last year.
The awfulness that is wearing you out does end. You're not crazy, you just have a disease, a dis-ease so you're not at ease in your own head. It will get easier and better.
Hugs to you.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
*hugs*. you are definatly not alone but i cant understand why you feel so. its great that you have got a job. i know what you mean about people thinking everything is fine. im in a wheelchair because of mental health issues and the minute i get out of it and walk everyone will think im fine again (except my therapists). do you have a therapist or any professional you can talk to. i think talking therapy and working through feelings really is the way to get better. the more you talk about your feelings, the less awful they will feel and you will want to cut less.
hang in there and keep going. you will get there but it does take time. *more hugs*
i feel numb, and at the same time i feel too much. i think im depressed because my appetite sucks.
i am struggling with the reason i SI. everyone says my childhood abuse is why, but i cant connect the two. all i can think is that in some form i hate myself. i talk to my mother, who abused me, now normally and its like nothing ever happened. am i just suppressing it so much that i cant even tell?
is it possible that my si is just related to my mental illness (bipolar)?
i cant wrap my mind around it.
les.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” - pooh bear
You may have the urge to si because of being bipolar and because of the abuse from your mom. Also what you see as being normal interactions with your mom may not be.
I say that because I've been there and done that. It took me 12 years of therapy to realize how toxic my parents were and are and another year to accept just how harsh things were and use the proper words.
Don't worry about paining your family. You don't have to get better to their recipe or direction. You want to get better for your self. You will learn what is best for you. Most people resist change. Your family may also and that may make things more difficult. Keep on the path that you know is right for you!
hugs
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
my family just doesnt get it. they are trying to be supportive i guess, but to me its just not. they dont say they accept me whatever happens, but they say stuff like when im pretending real hard, you know you are really pleasant to be around when you are doing well. meaning 1) im not pleasant to be around normally, 2) im good at hiding the truth. sigh.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” - pooh bear
ive seen you around the boards and i know youve had a really difficult time.
im 30 and am still battling the si and all my issues.
i know it feels exhausting and ive wanted to just give up so many times.
but we have to keep going with the hope that this wont last forever.
that one day things will change for the better.
and be grateful for the little things.
and by the way...welcome to vets!!!!
its nice to have you here.
much love.
xxxxx
