What's wrong with me

[Rilic]

I went a year without self harming.

But now I can't seem to stop. It's all I can think about. I've done some very bad stuff, and it's in can't hide places, so I feel so uncomfortable going outside. I don't know what to do.

I have an appointment with cmht, but it's in January. I think seeing it was so far away sent me into this spiral of despair. I can't stop myself. I need help. I don't know what to do.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. Very well done with the year self harm free, that shows that you can do this. Do you remember what helped over that year? I think it's really easy to get sucked back into regular self harm once you start again but it's definitely possible to reduce it and stop it if you're ready. Do you have any support at all out with the CMHT?

[Rilic]

A lot of alcohol and an awful CPN I hated. Being able to be angry at someone helped me release a lot of the bottled energy, until it ended in a fight.

But now I've got no support at the moment. I've tried calling helplines, but it's not helpful, it sometimes works me up more.
I've been to A&E a few times, but the crisis team there (although they can prescribe diaz which is so helpful) have the tried and tested method of leaving you for hours until all your energy is gone. Last time I saw them, they were offering to talk, and help sort things out, and to organise an appointment with a psychiatrist and alcohol services, and I begged them to just let me go to bed. I was too tired to care.

[Rilic]

I had to go to my GP, one of my cuts is infected, and she said she'll try and get the cmht to move the appointment closer (it was set for January, which she said was ridiculous)

[MyLastKiss]

Hope you'll get an appointment sooner.
Take care