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Possibly Triggering - Thoughts
Short story, not sure about the label.
Thoughts
Lying in bed I heard the clock tick, 02:37 the red digits glowed in the dark. Sighing I felt a wave of sorrow wash over me. It’s funny how, lying alone in the dark watching the shadows on the ceiling, you think of everything you wished you had and hadn’t done.
“Where did we go wrong?” I whispered the words unintentionally, but hearing them aloud helped a tiny bit.
Turning I looked at the empty space once occupied by you, I could still smell your perfume; see your outline on the mattress, it was like you were still here but invisible and just out of reach.
I got up suddenly needing some fresh air to clear my head, wondering how long it’d take to move on and become the girl I once was. I secretly hoped never, I deserved the pain and heartache for what I put you through, even if our final end was obscured by shadows.
Leaning on the balcony railing I peered over the edge, thinking how easy it’d be to throw myself over, four stories up I could certainly do a lot of damage. But what would it accomplish, apart from an expensive stain on the pavement for the government to clean up?
I sighed again, the London night was warm but I felt cold. My whole life I had tried not to feel, care or need anyone. Then by pure chance I fell in love only to destroy it again. Was that all I was here for, was it the only thing we, mankind in general, were here for, to gain love and everything we want only to destroy it?
“Tell me were I went wrong.” I breathed the words in a heavy sigh, once again peering over the edge to the darkness.
Despite the pain and darkness currently surrounding my now frozen heart, I couldn’t bring myself to hate you. None of this was your fault, the only thing I could blame you for was falling in love with me, but even then that was fates’ hand more than yours.
I returned to my bed were I once again lay, hands clasped lightly behind my neck, staring at the ceiling. The red digits now read 03:04, making it 19:04 where you lived in snowy Canada. I planned to move back to Ireland soon, this place held to many memories and was in my mind, too close to you.
Maybe we’d meet somewhere down the line, when your dreams of fame and fortune came true, I’d go to one of your shows, but remain hidden from view until the time was right. I had that plan in my head, could see it clearly, but would probably never follow it through. At least not until the wounds had healed some, and we’d both forgiven each other.
I turned and took your pillow, breathing in your scent until I felt sleeps arms pulling me close, my last thoughts of you bounced around in my head until nothingness took over.
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