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Having to tell colleagues about mental health.
I'm having a gastroscopy on Friday. It's being done at the hospital that I work in, by a doctor that I know, with people assisting that I also know.
I'm going to have to tell them what medication I'm on. I'm on an antipsychotic and two antidepressants, to treat schizoaffective disorder. They work very well when I take them properly, but I'm worried they're going to think I'm completely mad. What if I talk to the doctor on the phone about something clinical and he doesn't listen to me or want to talk to me because my brain sometimes malfunctions? I don't want it to affect my professional relationships.
I'm also worried because I'm covered in scars and I've going to have to wear a gown. I wear short sleeves at work, so people have seen some of the scars, but I've had multiple grafts on my legs, surgery on my foot etc. I just... It's embarrassing. I spoke to a friend about it and she said that I need to reframe it and think that they will think "wow, she's obviously really struggled in the past, but she's come through it and that's impressive." I don't know. There are no new scars - the most recent one is over 10 months old - so hopefully they won't say anything, but it's a worry. They're goingt o see what a mess I've been in the past because I've made my mental health difficulties visable.
I'm more worried about being judged for my mental health than the procedure itself, because I'm being sedated for that so I won't really have much of an idea what's going on. I'm considering phoning my CC tomorrow to talk it through, but I don't know if that's a waste of her time.
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