Are You Real?

[briddybear]

Possible Trigger Warning: Sad/Dark Thoughts

I'm too hesitant to talk to my doctor about this. I'm in the midst, it seems, of losing touch with reality. By that I mean, I feel like I'm not real or rather everything around me isn't real.... I don't really know how to explain it. When I talk to people, I feel like people stare at me because I'm talking to myself. I think maybe I'm locked up someplace. Someplace where they have me doped to the gills so that I've gotten completely out of touch with everything I knew. Life can't possibly flow like this... Where am I? Who am I? Can anyone help me? I'm lost! The sad thing is, though I've found this new place to ask all of my wonderous questions, if you aren't real.... you don't know that either. I'm alone.

[one_step_closer]

I'm a bit tired and not focused much at the moment so this might not be the best reply but I didn't want to leave you with no replies at this point and I can relate to a lot of what you have said so I'm going to attempt a reply. My apologies if it's entirely not useful.

Has anything stressful been happening in your life recently? Have you heard of dissociation? What you're going through sounds like dissociation to me, although obviously I can't be sure. I often feel disconnected from myself and everything around me to the point that I convince myself that nothing exists even when I'm with people and they tell me that they are real and I am real. It's a horrible and distressing feeling.

How long have you been having these experiences? I'd say you are very real and I can read your post and reply so I am real too. You have provided a lot of detail about yourself in your intro post and your profile along with a photo that I can also see which makes me believe that you are real. I know it's hard to challenge yourself when you feel like this though. Sometimes grounding techniques can be useful such as noticing your breathing and the feeling of your feet on the ground.

I can understand why you're hesitant to talk to your doctor about things but it might be a good idea to try and do so. Maybe write something down so it's easier for you to explain. Is there anyone who is supportive of you who might be able to help you speak to someone or even just be there for you? I really hope you can find your way through this.

[briddybear]

That was actually a great deal helpful. I have a lot of stress going on actually. I’m getting married, I’m trying to get back on medication, I’m trying to feel like I exist and matter. I’m afraid to talk to anybody, even my fiancé about this. I think they will want to get me immediate help or panic. I really can’t even feel anything... I have only heard of dissociation once and that was in a book about someone who killed a lot of people. So that sounds really scary!! You are correct, this is a very bad feeling. I feel completely disconnected from everything like the lines of communication have been torn down. Thank you so much for being there for me. I want to get help I’m just scared. 😔

[one_step_closer]

There are many wrong stereotypes out there of dissociation, people who dissociate are no more likely to kill someone than anyone else. Everyone dissociates too, to different degrees. It can help when we're stressed or bored but can also become difficult to manage, problematic, and distressing. Maybe posting on here will help you a bit to get things out in the open and you might feel more able to talk to someone in real life as you explore things here. If dissociation was all about people murdering other people then yes I would agree that if you were to tell someone they might panic or think you need immediate help but that's not the reality of things. Often it just takes a bit of time to move through periods of dissociation but if it's getting really distressing and long lasting then it might be worth trying to talk to your doctor.

[briddybear]

That is really good advice! Thank you!!

[one_step_closer]

How are things now?

[Dataunit]

Dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation: all terms that might be relevant to you (Wikipedia does a better job of explaining them than me).

Remember Descartes' "I think therefore I am". This means that you exist because you wouldn't be able to question your own existence if you didn't.