Intrusive thoughts need help

[Aquarius12]

i wanted to share my story with you if it will help so for the past 2 years i have suffered OCD its always the same thoughts murder, dearh, suicide pedophilia,incest and so on now the thoughts would scare me but it would always be the same i get thoughts question then worrie about them feel sad and scared then i would get over it and move on to the next thought its the same procces i worry i check online to make sure im not these things i would check the ocd sites and show things it says is OCD. But the thought now is as you know is pedophilia and it hasnt gone yet and yes i have got alt of reasurance but it feels so real like i know its not me becasue the thoughts are opposite of who i am but it just feels so real now how do i actually know its ocd. we went through all the questions i had and im thankful it calms me to say its ocd. but the thoughts dont scare me anymore i mean when i get them i try fight them shake my head say no its not me but it feels so real im scared i have turned i mean i look at older guys and im attracted to them but then thoughts come and while masturbating the thoughts are there in my head so i dont know if its the thoughts getting me hard or the porn i mean i try block the thoughts i also check my penis to see if it gets hard and it sometimes dose which scares me but sometimes it dosent soim calm when it dosent MY BIGEST FEAR IS THAT WHAT IF IM LYING TO MYSELF AND I LIKE THE THOUGHTS ANY OF THE THOUGHTS BECAUSE THEY DONT SCARE ME WHEN I FIRST GET THEM