Don't believe people who are brutally honest to the point of being rude
I am one of those people that if someone says something very rude and then just say they are being honest, I don't believe them. I assume, unless proven otherwise, that they are just lying and are trying to be rude. For example, I once had someone in my dorm room say that my room smelled really bad. And she made it sound so awful and even used her shirt to cover her nose. She basically acted like it was the worst thing she has ever experienced. Meanwhile no one else has ever said anything. And my roommate was a clean freak like me so I know he would have said something.
If she or someone else had said something politely then I would have taken what they said into consideration. But since no one else did, I chose to ignore her since she just seemed like she was being rude even though she claimed to be honest. Another example is when an acquaintance was jealous that I was friends with some other people she was not friends with. She got very mad at me and even called me fake and said that they really don't like me and that they're just using me. I am pretty good at knowing if someone is using me so I knew she was lying. After she said that, she said she was being honest and trying to be a true friend.
I don't think she was. She was just being rude in my opinion. Is there a reason people do this? Is it to inflate their own egos? Do they take enjoyment at being overly rude? How do you deal with these kinds of people. I find these kinds of people to be arrogant, stuck up, rude, and even selfish. I don't stand for it. Yes you can be honest, but it can be done politely.
I actually don't believe people who are rude and are saying they are just being honest and trying to help. Because, in my opinion, they are not. They are just trying to bring others down to build themselves up. Also, what would do say to someone who is acting this way? Just curious on how other people handle it. I sometimes say something but other times I ignore it. All depends.
Maybe try and see things from your friend's point of view. It's possible she is scared that because you friends with these other people she is going to lose you and unfortunately expressing that fear by being rude, disguising fear and weakness with anger. I've found that compassion is often the best weapon against rudeness, thinking about what must be going on in that person's mind to make them behave that way. It takes effort, and by no means am I perfect at it, I've flown off the handle at people being 'rude' plenty of times, but I think in order to be the bigger person, it's important to show calm, and most importantly compassion. *essay over*
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['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
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Maybe try and see things from your friend's point of view. It's possible she is scared that because you friends with these other people she is going to lose you and unfortunately expressing that fear by being rude, disguising fear and weakness with anger. I've found that compassion is often the best weapon against rudeness, thinking about what must be going on in that person's mind to make them behave that way. It takes effort, and by no means am I perfect at it, I've flown off the handle at people being 'rude' plenty of times, but I think in order to be the bigger person, it's important to show calm, and most importantly compassion. *essay over*
She probably was but I was never really friends with the person who told me that my other friends were fake or something. She was probably afraid of being alone like you said but she still shouldn't have done that. I agree with you though, people do tend to hide anger and weakness to disguise fear and even jealousy.
I think there is a big difference between brutal honesty and rudeness. I am naturally a brutally honest person and it can rub people the wrong way but I know the line between being rude and being honest. There is also a difference between polite honesty and brutal honesty, the difference really is in how you say something. From what you gave as examples I would just consider that someone being rude out of jealousy or fear of losing a friend which is not brutal honesty at all because they are in effect saying a lie out of anger or jealousy.
In my opinion they weren't being honest so I wouldn't call that brutal honesty. When I tell people something it can definitely rub them the wrong way and at times can be considered insensitive but I am never outright cruel or rude nor do I make faces, I just state a fact like I would if I said the grass is green. That is usually how you can tell the difference between someone being honest or lying is if they just state it like a fact and don't overexaggerate it.
Whether someone is being honest or not is all about how they say something and their reactions as well as the kind of vibes you feel from them. Your instincts can usually steer you right when trying to determine truth from lies unless they are an extremely good liar but most people are not.
Also I rarely take someone saying a polite comment seriously for the mere fact that when I don't like people I am usually unfailingly polite to them (They tend to realize I don't like them easily enough by my body language so I don't have to come straight out and sound rude by saying I don't like them), people tend to be polite in uncomfortable situations when they don't like someone but don't want to be rude. So in my experience politeness is usually much more of a lie than someone just being completely honest with me.
Last edited by Staticx_xSilence : 28-09-2017 at 03:08 PM.
I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend...I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend...
― Neil Gaiman
I think there is a big difference between brutal honesty and rudeness. I am naturally a brutally honest person and it can rub people the wrong way but I know the line between being rude and being honest. There is also a difference between polite honesty and brutal honesty, the difference really is in how you say something. From what you gave as examples I would just consider that someone being rude out of jealousy or fear of losing a friend which is not brutal honesty at all because they are in effect saying a lie out of anger or jealousy.
In my opinion they weren't being honest so I wouldn't call that brutal honesty. When I tell people something it can definitely rub them the wrong way and at times can be considered insensitive but I am never outright cruel or rude nor do I make faces, I just state a fact like I would if I said the grass is green. That is usually how you can tell the difference between someone being honest or lying is if they just state it like a fact and don't overexaggerate it.
Whether someone is being honest or not is all about how they say something and their reactions as well as the kind of vibes you feel from them. Your instincts can usually steer you right when trying to determine truth from lies unless they are an extremely good liar but most people are not.
Also I rarely take someone saying a polite comment seriously for the mere fact that when I don't like people I am usually unfailingly polite to them (They tend to realize I don't like them easily enough by my body language so I don't have to come straight out and sound rude by saying I don't like them), people tend to be polite in uncomfortable situations when they don't like someone but don't want to be rude. So in my experience politeness is usually much more of a lie than someone just being completely honest with me.
I agree. The person saying I was fake and getting jealous for me having other friends was definitely not being honest. She was just trying to control me. And I agree with the whole politeness thing too. I have noticed that people who don't like someone will either flat out ignore the person or act overly nice, almost sickeningly nice, to the person they dislike. Usually I can tell the difference between genuine niceness and someone pretending to be polite.
