Triggering (Suicide) - confused and scared and hallucinations?

bitter_sweet_irony · 19-11-2007, 07:46 PM

Hey, I know i dont deserve to make a thread because i havnt been posting to other peoples threads latly i just couldnt everythings been triggering me lately. Anyway i think iv started having hallucinations, at night in the darkness i see this man but i see him in my head like if im in a room il see him in my head somewhere in the room where im not looking but i dont dare look cos im scared il see him and hes real. This man really scares me even typeing this has made me start shaking and crying but i dont know why he scares me iv only been seeing him for a week and a half but i see him everynight now. Im just so scared of him, Iv also been hearing things for about a month now. Also i feel so depressed i just don't want to go on i just want to die but i have to live for others but i dont want to i want to die for me its not fair everyone dies so why cant i go a little bit early im just so suicidal and depresed right now i think about killing my self non stop i plan it out but something always stops me from doing it. i just want to keep damaging myself till i cant anymore. I feel so paranoid at home now to my parents have just found out im depressed (they no nothing else) and i keep finding them in my room and i hate them knowing i dont feel safe at home anymore i feel like there always watching me ,i think theyv guessed i cut myself to.
Thanks for reading, im sorry ifthis is in the wrong place i wasnt sure where it would go, i just need hugs and support i feel so alone right now.

LadyMacbeth · 19-11-2007, 10:16 PM

Wow those hallucinations seem scary. The depression and suicidal thoughts also seem really bad. Is there anyone you can talk to about the thoughts cause hurting yourself won't help. Stupid for me to say I know.

Anyway I have to go so you have lots of support from me and big hugs. And I am here to listen if you need it xxx

bitter_sweet_irony · 19-11-2007, 10:23 PM

Thanks for replying, yeah the depression and suicidal thoughts are bad i think im falling apart i feel like noone care, you think it is a hullucination? i see it in my head not outside but im to scared to look at where im seeing it incase its real, so i wasnt sure if it was a hallucination, maybe he is real and not a hulucination. Im really gratefull that you replyed i just feel alone and no one cares and desperatly need support right now.

bitter_sweet_irony · 20-11-2007, 04:49 PM

sorry to post again i know i dont deserve any help from here. but im so scared right now i need to die its the only way out, i dont want to feel anymore, i hate feeling so bad death is the only way to make everything better i need it. I should die noone will miss me. Its not a bad thing if its the only way to help is it? Because it will help it will help everyone if i die itl defenitly help me. Also has anyone else experianced anything like the man i see? i want to know why he scares me so much

guiltyinnocence · 21-11-2007, 10:16 PM

its not the right thing to do, think about it i death leads to nothing you'll never experience relief or anything, and then there's the posibilty of life after death so you'd still be living in some obscure way
and people would miss you, lots of people would
are you getting any proessional help?
i dont think iv experienced anything like the man, but its the type of thing when you've got to keep telling yourself your mind is trying to make you paranoid, fight against your mind and turn to where your minds telling you not to turn, gain the control back
im here if you ever need to talk
keep on fighting
xxxx

louiseunscripted · 22-11-2007, 12:39 PM

hey,

that sounds horrible. I haven't ever seen anything like the man you refer to. But i do hear voices, so i can empathise quite a lot. Seeing and hearing things can be controlled quite a lot by medication so i recomend going to see your psych or GP. But there are other things you can do, it is all about trying to focus on what is actually there. For example concentrating on the noises around you, like birds, or the radiator bubbling.... Try and find 5 things you can hear, and 5 things you can feel... like your clothes on your skin. Things like that... I am not explaining this very well, and it does take practice.

On the depression side of things, you really need to find someone you can talk to... you are welcome to PM at any time. It is really hard to not see suicide as the only answer but it is possible to fight. People would miss you if you died, but a suicidal mind tries to persuade you otherwise. It is a distortion of what is actually true, but when you are unwell you believe it totally.

Hope this helps

Hugs and heaps of support

Louise xxx