My Brain

[Fire Fly]

Hello,

I'm very worried that my brain isn't my brain anymore. It feels fuZzy and not right. It's not like how it used to be. I'm not entirely sure what to do.

There can be two causes:

1) I have a brain tumour or that there's something's wrong within the brain itself.

-or-

2) that actually someone changed my brain and that's why my brain is not longer my brain. I'm so sure that my brain isn't mine or parts of the brain isn't mine. It feels weird.

I'm having a lot of symptom that all add up to either. I want a can of the Brian so I can then see which of the two it is. I'm really worried. I think it may kill me and I don't want to die. I'm happy but super worried and concerned now.

How will I know what part of my brain isn't mine? It just doesn't feel like it's wholly my brain. I want some support and hugs. I'm so scared that either way I'm going to die.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds scary. What changed to make you feel this way? Can you identify anything that happened/a trigger? There may be other causes than the two you have mentioned. Have you ever dissociated before? Sometimes that can leave you feeling fuzzy. I think it's important that you share your concerns with someone you trust. I hope you get some answers that ease your worries soon.

[Fire Fly]

Thank you for replying.

I don't know but it came out a bit when I saw my cc yesterday but that was hard. She wants to see me again next week. She wanted to call my partner but I said no as I've not been able to tell him.

I managed to tell him and now he's gone all full board challenging it. It's really hard and I'm scared. He just seems angry and annoyed. I lied and told him yesterday it started but it's gone on for a little while.

I have dissociated in the past but this doesn't seem the same. I don't know I just feel super sick with this all. I don't feel very well.

[Juella]

I know it can be hard to talk to professionals about what is bothering you, but it's also very important and you did a great job telling your CC. How do you feel about seeing her next week? Do you think she can help?

You also did very well telling your partner. It's important to be able to talk to him. I understand that him challenging your thoughts might not be what you want, but do you think he might have a point? I know it's hard to deal with right now, but don't worry, it's goint to be okay. If your partner is acting angry and annoyed, can you take a break and spend some time away from him until he calms down, so he doesn't stress you out? Why did you feel like you had to lie to him? Are you afraid of telling him the truth?

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Please, keep talking to your CC. Hope she'll be able to help and you'll feel better soon!

[Fire Fly]

I don't know if she can help. I'm so scared. I don't know what they are doing. But my head hurts constantly. I can't do with my head. My brain rarely had headaches and now that either they have change parts of it via my nose or that there's a brain tumour either way I can't cope with it.

I'm finding it very hard to challenge the thoughts. My partner wants me not to work at the moment. But I'm on bank at the moment and doing most shifts with the crisis team. So it's hard. They really like me so I can't cancel on them. It's hard. I've told partner most of it and that I lied and he's more annoyed. I just don't want him to worry and that's him he worrys and keeps asking me questions. It's hard to run away from it as he lives with me. The only peace I get is when I'm not with him. Which is sad.

My head hurts so much I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to die and I've accepted that. But I don't want to die. I want life. I have not lived enough but I need to get it out.

[Iamcatbug]

Would it be worth going to your GP about your headaches?

[Fire Fly]

I'm trying to get an appointment with my gp. I don't know when my gp is back I might need to book with someone else.

I spoke to my care coordinator who said she will try to get a medication review however as my consultant has left she doesn't know who to getanappkintment with whilst they try to recruit a new one. I'm not going take more medication I don't want more. I dont need it. But she said I sound very delusional and paranoid.

I'm really scared that I'm going to die. I feel really sick majority of the time. My head hurts. I tried to stick a q tip up my nose to see if there's anything I could get to pull out. But I didn't get very far. I know that's how they did the brain suregery. The tumour will soon be too big and I don't know what will happen then.

What do I do? I really don't want to die. I'm scared. I feel that I need to get my affairs in order incase it kills me soon. But I don't want to mention too much to my partner as he gets upset. I'm sorry I disappoint.

[Fire Fly]

I'm so worried. I don't know the first thing about putting my affairs in order for my death. I don't have money. Well about £800 and then I'll be paid a bit over a grand tomorrow from work but that's not enough. I have two cats that seriously need a good life. They've been through so much. I adopted them from Rspca. But when I die I know they will still have a good life with my fiancée or with his family but I don't know how to make sure and secure a life.

I don't want to be revived. But then again I want to because I want to live. I have a gp appointment at 5:30 and I will discuss how I can have a brain scan. I need and want it. Please don't let me die.

[Cpt_Stunning]

How long has this been going on for? Do you remember the time when you starting feeling that your brain isn't your brain anymore?

I suffered for several years not knowing what was wrong, my parents thought it was autism, but I knew it wasn't.

After a desperate search on the net I worked out exactly what was wrong with me, Anxiety Disorder.

So maybe you should take an anxiety disorder test on-line, it'll ask questions, it could be that.

[Iamcatbug]

How did the GP go?

[Fire Fly]

Thank you for your replies.

My brain isn't mine. It's not a thought it's knowledge. The thought started becoming more dominant after I came back from holiday so in July. But they edited my brain when I had an operation about two years back but it's only now I've started to show symptoms as the tumour has grown big. I know I do have anxiety but wouldn't the next person have anxiety knowing they were going to die and to get things in order? I don't think it's purely anxiety as I do have physical symptoms and knowledge that my brain isn't mine.

I just broke down at my gp surgery. Literally I asked for a brain scan which she refused. She said I needed to see someone in the mental health team but I said I didn't need to. She said I am unwell and I do need to someone and when was I seeing my cc next. She was checking on the system about my medication but I refused anymore medication and I told her I want to stop what I am taking. She reassured me that I wasn't going to die but I know I am so I left.

I took today off work. I'm scared they will be angry. I don't want to go outside. What if the people who want the data from my brain come and get me. I can't carry my keys in my hands ready to key them? I'm so scared. I feel super sick.

My partner wants me to challenge my thoughts but there's nothing to challenge. I don't want to die but at the same time I do just want it to get out of the way. I can't carry on knowing I will die soon. I need to sort things out but how and where do I start?

[Fire Fly]

Sorry double post.

I can't cope. Everything is a mess. My head hurts. I can't cope. Things have turned for the worse. My partner can't cope with me anymore. I'm honestly thinking that it's time for me to go. I can't do this anymore. If I leave london and go somewhere it maybe harder for them to find me and my partner doesn't need me constantly crying and having ago at him. We're hardly speaking and all I want is a cuddle. I don't have long left and I don't want to fight with him. We both will regret it. Morse so him than me as he will be alive and I won't be.

Please help me. I can't fight this.