Self harming by sex

[ghostforrest]

Hi! I'm 16 and I have been self harming for about a year, in the beginning I used to only cut my wrist but now I also self harm by having sex. I have a boyfriend and he's not abusive or anything but I have sex with him even though I don't want to. For some reason I just can't say no but I feel so disgusting after and I've cried sometimes. The cutting is easy to cope with and it calms me down but the sex just me feel so much worse. I've tried stopping but I can't. I'm not comfortable talking to my contact person about this and I don't know what to do :(

[Entropy]

Hi,
Are you able to articulate at all why you feel like you are having sex when you don't want to? Or why you can't stop when you've tried?

I am wondering whether you feel like you *should* have sex or maybe that you don't have a right to control over your own body. Or possibly that you are anxious about saying no for some other reason. Possibly you get something out of having sex with your boyfriend even if it isn't what you want - maybe feeling wanted or loved?

Please let me know if I'm totally barking up the wrong tree. But if any of these things are true, it isn't your fault and you don't need to feel guilt or shame about it.

Are you able to write any of this down or show this thread to your contact person? It sounds like this is worrying you a lot and you might benefit from sharing it with someone else and exploring your feelings around the issue

[Amaranth]

I just wanted you to know i've also done that, so you're not alone x

[Han7777777]

I could have written this thread. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I don't know whether your situation is similar to mine but I was raped many years ago and struggle with sex. I feel dirty a lot of the time and sometimes use it to punish myself. It makes me feel even worse but I don't have much of a sex drive so I feel like I'm letting my husband down. If it was up to me, we'd probably never have sex. He is really understanding and patient but sometimes I feel like I want to be the wife he deserves and I don't know how. I feel the same about feeling voiceless and unable to say no. For me, that goes back to the rape. If you want to PM me I'm here for you. You are not alone xxx

[CatFairy]

I understand where your comming from. I was abused as a child.. sex i believed was love. I hated it. But i was disgusted by myself. I think you need to learn to love and respect yourself. Its hard long road. But you are worth more than to subject yourself to this. Thinking of you. Hope i make sence somewhat!