Well I have been seeing an OT care coordinator for 9 months and 3 weeks ago she said she was leaving the service. So my final appointment was last Wednesday. She said she would write me a goodbye letter and I had written one for her but she said she hadn't finished writing it so would email it to me. Wednesday evening I emailed her asking if I could add her to Facebook. She didn't reply. Then yesterday afternoon I emailed again to ask when she would be emailing the goodbye letter. I haven't had a reply. She left the mental health team last Friday so I don't understand why she hasn't sent it to me. She is ignoring me. I don't know what to do. She said she would be keeping her email address and that she checks her email every day. I miss her very much and admitted to her in the goodbye letter that I had felt emotionally close to her and attached. Please advise. Thanks very much
A tad inappropriate, don't you think. No wonder she's not replying.
Also, haven't you had issues with getting emotionally attached to your care coordinators?
I agree with the above. She probably won't get it because of the fact that she has left the cmht.
Also recently due to the ransom attacks non nhs email addresses were blocked both receiving and sending for a while by nhs wales. That means that she was unable to email you as your email address would have been considered non nhs if you live in wales. So she didn't do it deliberately if that is the case. Even if your health board wasn't affected by the ransom attacks it was across the whole of the nhs in Wales.
Last edited by not_so_insig : 24-05-2017 at 01:32 AM.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
If you're off her caseload and have been passed to someone else, she won't be allowed to reply. That's just protocol. There's no way she can agree to being a FB contact without risking her career. At the end of the day, YOU are the one who feels attached and emotionally involved, not her. She as been trained not to let that happen from her side.
I doubt you will hear from her. Any emails you send are likely now to be forwarded to your new care co-ordinator.
Thanks for your replies. I just received the goodbye letter via post. She says it has been a pleasure getting to know me and working with me over the past year. That I engaged really well in the sessions and have been a joy to work with. It doesn't change the fact she has left and I'm feeling low about it
I'm afraid nothing is going to change the fact that she has left the service. It isn't personal to you, however you do seem to be taking it personally. And maybe this is something you need to work on with whoever you are working with from your CMHT now so this doesn't keep happening. As it really isn't healthy.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Confusion about OT who I'm not physically attracted to
Hi all
Well I am a bisexual female and my friend said I was obsessing about my occupational therapist/care coordinator because I was constantly talking about her and my friend even said that I had fallen in love with her...this was 3 weeks ago when the care coordinator told me she was leaving the service.
My last appointment with the care coordinator was Wednesday 17 May 2017. We agreed we would write each other a goodbye letter. I wrote how much it meant to me giving me a final appointment to process my thoughts and that she hadn't just cut me off and that she had offered her time to me. She was generous with her time either on the phone and at our appointments and went over time by 30 minutes and 15 minutes on the last appointment...and another time too. She made me feel worthy of her time....anyway in the goodbye letter I also said that I had felt "emotionally close" to her and "attached" and that she had never said anything intentionally to hurt me and didn't make me feel bad for my poor sleeping habits whereas other practitioners had been frustrated with me.
Well the last care coordinator who I worked with last year was a mental health nurse and I had a massive crush on her because she was blonde, slim, beautiful and around 25 years old.... and she had transferred me to the OT last August 2016 because she thought I needed help with scheduling daily activities and routine.
I found myself confessing to the OT in January 2017 that I was obsessed about the good looking nurse, that I had bumped into the nurse at the pub in May 2016 and had drunk 12 jagerbombs and was hoping I would bump into her again in the pub and had walked outside her house, having seen her park her car as I was passing that street in my friends car. The OT was empathetic and very understanding and said that the nurse would not be able to see me outside of her work and that she is working with vulnerable adults, professionally she could not do that. The OT did not judge me at all but I could tell from her expression she felt how much I wanted to see the nurse and how painful it was when the nurse transferred me to the OT.
So I found myself feeling very close to the OT after that admission and have trusted her ever since.
The OT has complimented me on several occasions about what I was wearing. This motivated me further to smarten up my appearance. So when the weather was warmer I dressed up for her in a dress and continued to wear my best tops and jeans when I saw her.
I found myself wishing the OT was having sex with me and not my friends with benefits friend. I masturbated twice thinking about the OT. Then it became clear in my mind when I next saw her, I didn't find her sexually attractive because she was far too overweight. I was not physically attracted to her, but she did have a nice face. My friend said the OT is not the type of woman I usually go for. I'm a bit confused.... I don't like fat women so why am I thinking about the OT romantically. I have been thinking about her all the time since 3 weeks ago when she told me she was leaving the service. I emailed her to ask if I could add her to Facebook but she didn't reply. I now know that is a "no" . I have been extremely sad that she has left. I built trust with her and was going to open up to her about my childhood traumas. She is the nicest person you could meet. She has said on many occasions that I could call her if I needed to and frequently asks if there is anything else I want to talk about or ask before the session ends.
I am just a bit confused as to why I am obsessing about her and thinking about her obsessively through out the day and thinking about her romantically when I am not attracted to someone with her build. I have been dressing to impress her and wanted her to find me attractive. I wanted a friendship with her which is why I asked for her Facebook and didn't want to lose her and not ever see her again.
I received her goodbye letter today and She says it has been a pleasure getting to know me and working with me over the past year. That I engaged really well in the sessions and have been a joy to work with. And in the final appointment she said I had a lot to offer and I asked her what do I have to offer? And she said you're an intelligent person, you're funny and you'd make a good friend. And in another appointment she said she would miss me after she told me she was leaving
In my goodbye letter I also said that it feels like a massive loss and that I didn't know what I'd do without her, that it felt like she was leaving me and that it was painful when people left me.
I have been thinking about her all day and wonder what's wrong with me?
To rmn2016,
I just wanted to acknowledge a couple things about your situation.
Ending a professional relationship can be hard especially when you have developed an attachment. However, it is important for this to remain appropriate to keep you as safe as possible.
There are theories that some of the feelings you are having are not related to the care coordinator but other people in your life that your care coordinator represented.
As you will be transferring to the case load of a new care coordinator, if you are still communicating with the previous one it does not allow you to move forward. I would say that an emotional connection is natural, and it is also healthy to express your feelings once they do not infringe on the rights of others.
Facebook is not considered appropriate because it is a social platform that would not be professional or legal to use to establish a friendship with your old care coordinator. It may seem harsh, but it is put in place for the protection of clients from being taken advantage of and professionals to set boundaries with their clients- new and former. Likewise, in respecting the reality and right of your care coordinator to move on- it would probably be helpful to work through the feelings and emotions your are experiencing with someone in your current team/ new care coordinator. I hope that one day this experience will help you to cope better in the future even if it feels difficult at the moment.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
The goodbye letter more or less summarised what I knew already but it was a compliment to know it was "a pleasure getting to know you and working with you".
I know I won't be seeing her again or hearing from her again. I spoke to the new OT over the phone today. Feeling a bit better about it today
Well I spoke to the new OT today over the phone and told her the support worker thinks I should tell you: I had romantic feelings about the old OT even though I don't find her attractive. She said it is ok, it is because of the nature of the work. I said I have found myself being attached to some of the practitioners I have worked with especially if they have been helpful. How can I stop this from happening again? She replied what have you found has helped in the past? It doesn't really answer the question.... there was no mention of transference. But I mentioned it. Maybe the new OT doesn't know how to help me with transference issues... I have done a lot of reading and have come to the conclusion that my parents did not give me the love, attention, support I needed growing up and the old OT noticed small things about me and would compliment me about what I was wearing on several occasions. I was looking for validation and acceptance and the OT gave me that. She was generous with her time and made me feel worthy and special and never said anything to hurt me. And so I got hooked on that. I do not know how to stop myself from getting attached in the future. If the new OT is as good as the old OT then it's possible I might get attached. The new OT said the old OT was very good at her job and that she enjoyed spending time with me
Hi rmn2016,
I am trying to understand the elements of transference etc. myself. It sounds like you had some insight into what qualities in the old care coordinator you were drawn to in terms of what you felt that you did not receive from your parents.
I do not know what mental health issues you are dealing with but coming to certain understandings on your own are better than others telling you which may be why the new care coordinator did not try to give you an answer or "fix" you but ask you to try to think on what has worked for you in the past.
If this is the first time that you had insight you were becoming attached to others maybe reflecting on the idea of getting "hooked" on attention and positive feedback and finding a way to internalise these experiences without becoming inappropriately attached.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
I dont really know what to say. I think you will need therapy to explore the fact you keep having sexual thoughts about people who are paid to help you. I don't think your thoughts are romantic really. I think that you are feeling strongly attached towards people who have shown you kindness and you've misinterpreted that as maybe their romantic interest towards you. Which it wasn't. It's their job to care, they care about all of their patients.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
