Annoyed

[not_so_insig]

My nurse went off sick last year. I have had a replacement nurse since and every appointment she mentions my weight. Now I am overweight but I suffer from bed so I think her opinions are dangerous with someone who has a ed.

Every single appointment she mentions that I should join weight watchers or that she could refer me to the gym. She says that I should go swimming more than once a week. Today I got a lecture about losing weight. I explained politely that I don't want to lose weight and she said that I will get diabetes and heart disease. She then goes on about how I should see a dietician.

Now that has really hurt me and I want to binge. I haven't binged in a while and I was really proud. I really want to harm myself. I am in tears here.

[Wonderland.]

I'm sorry to hear you have been treated this way by your nurse. And I can totally appreciate your feelings around it.

I think since you have tried to address it already face to face with your nurse but aren't getting anywhere, it would be worth either speaking to her manager about the situation, or writing a letter of complaint. I'm aware both of these options are likely to cause you even more stress, but the sooner they listen to you about this issue the better.

Tbh it doesn't even sound as though she even understands BED. Your team need to appreciate that you need to be in control of if and when you address the BED. It shouldn't be them pushing you into it at all.

[Entropy]

I'm really sorry that your appointment today has made you feel this way. I assume she knows about the BED and doesn't seem to understand at all. What have you said to her about it?

You are right that her attitude can be very dangerous to someone with an ED and I agree that if you think you can speak to someone higher up about it this would be a good idea, or is there any option for you to see a different nurse because it sounds like seeing this one is very distressing for you.
She needs to respect your decision not to want to lose weight, she should respect that decision from anybody even without a history of EDs.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks everyone. I am sure that she wouldn't tell someone with anorexia to lose weight so why should be someone who is overweight be told the same? EDs are complex so it's not easy just to stop.

Tbh it's not the first time I have found her attitude unhelpful. The sooner I get rid of her the better I think.

I think that I will complain about her. Trouble is that I don't know who her boss is. I don't know what the equivalent of pals is in Wales.

[Epicene]

Every health board has a complaints department that you can get in touch with.

Can you ask for a new CPN? It normally is just a case of writing to the CMHT manager and requesting someone different.

[not_so_insig]

Yes I did some googling and found the complaints department for the health board.

I will ask for another cpn when she comes next. I have the address for the cmht do you think writing a letter headed "to the manager" will work?

[Epicene]

I would have thought so, although if you call up and ask the receptionists should be able to tell you who to direct the request to. I hope you do get to change because its really unfair that you're having to put up with someone so insensitive.

[not_so_insig]

I wrote a letter before so I am going to post it once the bank holidays are over. Hopefully I will get listened to. If not then I will go to the health board complaints department.

[not_so_insig]

I am struggling with not to binge. I ate a load of food before but not enough to consider it a full on binge.

I have a appointment with the nurse who keeps on triggering me next week and I am getting stressed about it. I am not looking forward to seeing her.

[Sketchy]

Do you think you could speak to her about it? Try telling her how it makes you feel? Maybe she's unaware of how she is affecting you. Perhaps it would be a good idea that she knows.

I'm sorry you are struggling. Do distractions help? Is there anything that has helped in the past?

[not_so_insig]

I tried telling her that I find her comments unhelpful but my pleas fall on deaf ears. It's not fair to be constantly triggered. Other than complaining officially I don't know what else I can do.

I didn't think of trying my distraction techniques for not bingeing. I will try to incorporate some of them each time I feel like bingeing so thanks Carmen.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Epic.

I have written the letter which is the trickiest bit just got to shove a stamp on the envelope and post it. I do think that she needs to go on a ed awareness course which if I have to escalate it to the health board I will be recommending. I am too upset to let it go.

[not_so_insig]

Peed off barely covers it. I have just had an appointment with her and she mentioned my weight again. I said in a very firm voice that I do not wish to loose weight. So off I go to post the letter once I find a stamp.

[not_so_insig]

Yes. It's the final straw. She forgot that she was due to see me yesterday and phoned to rearrange the appointment. We agreed 4 pm she turned up at 4.40 pm. Didn't even apologise for being late. She's always late and never apologies.

I have posted the letter now. It probably won't get collected until tomorrow so I don't expect to hear anything until next week at the earliest. I am triggered and it's not fair to be constantly triggered after each appointment.

[Sketchy]

I hope you get this all resolved. Hope you are ok.

[not_so_insig]

I was speaking to my parents before and they were disgusted at the way I am being treated. I rewrote the letter emphasising on the way I am feeling. I wrote saying that I felt that I no longer feel able to talk to her and that it's damaging my care. My dad says that if I don't get better care soon he will complain about my treatment. He also said that she's not very reliable which is what I need because I struggle to trust people. I am finding myself not being able to open up because I am scared that I will get a lecture. For example I was being bothered by the voices and I couldn't tell her.

[not_so_insig]

I really want to binge and drink myself stupid.

[not_so_insig]

I did read your reply last night Carmen. I ended up watching tv last night and having a shower. Nobody complained at having it so late thankfully. I was going to do some colouring but I fell asleep before then. I didn't eat anything excessive or drink any alcohol.

[not_so_insig]

I have had a phone call from the cmht manager. I told her that I had her mentioning my weight every single appointment and that I had explained politely that I don't want to lose weight but she continues to force the issue on me. She said that it was unlike her but I explained that I was getting distressed at every visit. The manager asked that if I was able to continue with her if she had a quick word with her but I explained that on more than one occasion she has forgotten my appointment. Also she is late and never apologises. I explained that I had trouble getting hold of her and that last time I took a overdose I got a lecture. I also explained that I was scared to open up because I am scared of having a lecture. The manager explained that they were very short staffed but by my next appointment she would find another nurse. I also explained that after every single appointment I felt like bingeing which was highly unfair and distressing.

So hopefully I will have a new nurse which will treat me with respect.

[Wonderland.]

That sounds really positive Dawn, well done for not just letting it slide, and for asserting yourself with the CMHT manager

I hope the new CPN you get in lovely!!