Challenging depressive symptoms

[Pomegranate]

I was wondering if I could have some advice on managing depressive symptoms? It's been a good two or three years, if not more since I've felt this *****. Started off with feeling tired and disconnected from everything. And then that physical, heavy, painful feeling in my body returned and the tiredness increased and motivation and concentration gradually went away.

In the past I would probably have tried to deal with this by self harming and whilst I had one incident, I just can't see the point- it seems so much effort.

I'm really struggling with even basic self care. Any tips?

The last few days, fleeting thoughts of suicide and suicidal ideation has become more of a central thought and periods where I am able to concentrate are spent making lists or arrangements and doing research on legal aspects. I've chosen a place. It calms me. I want it. But I feel so ashamed of that. How 'should' I be managing this?

I am very hesitant to talk to my CPN or psych because they've already suggested IP without me even mentioning this and I don't feel that is warranted, and to be honest, I also don't want to have this taken away from me as an option.

I feel as though people would probably be better off without me and even if they can't see that right now, they would adapt and cope. Logically I know that is probably depression talking, but it feels so real.

How do other people manage self care and suicidal planning? How do you handle the thoughts and feelings of guilt etc? I have some practical questions about legalities after suicide but I'm pretty sure that is against the rules?

[Pomegranate]

Thanks for the reply Epic. I'm sorry you are experiencing the same. 'This' referred to dying. I spent 7 weeks IP with mania/hypomania earlier this year. IP offers no hope to me. I'm so tired. CMHT called to say my CPN is off sick and to cancel my appt. At the end of the day there isn't really anything they can do anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm dressed in clean clothes today and going with a friend to see my mum. I hate that depression has taken so much away from me.

[Irisflower]

Sometimes it's better to go IP or pursue deeper help while you can still make decisions. Sometimes illness reaches a point where decision making gets to be very difficult. I would tell your care team that you are having these thoughts as well as telling them that you didn't want to lose access to this option. I am thinking of you.

[Pomegranate]

Thanks for replies. A social worker I've seen before phoned me today. I was honest with her. My psych started me on an anti depressant two weeks ago alongside the meds I'm already on. SW is going to talk to my psych tomorrow and call me. I'm just not sure what else they can do. I know Logically that things should improve if I give the sertraline time but it doesn't *feel* like they will and I'm struggling with basic functioning and suicidal thoughts.

I understand suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but this feels so unbearable.

Edit: Epic, when I'm high I don't believe I'll ever feel low again. It's been a long time since things have been this bad.

[yoyogirl]

Hey

I am sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment, I would definitely get back in touch with the mental health services and take their offer of IP facility just still you feel stable enough. Do not worry about any problems, current situation as these can be sorted/dealt with in due course. If you have an animal (that needs feeding, going to the bathroom etc) then ask your neighbour to look after him or her whilst you are in inpatient.

You could also think about what to bring to the hospital to keep you occupied as it can be a boring place, depending on your symptoms have a range of activities to do whilst you are there. When I've been in crisis situation, reading, writing etc is completely off the radar, however listening to music helps me.