Noisy head

[not_so_insig]

My head feels so noisy. Idk if it's voices or stuff but at times it feels indistinguishable. It's stressing me out because I feel like I am being watched. That I am being spied upon by aliens. I feel as though there's going to be a alien invasion soon and that aliens are walking amongst us disguised as regular people. I really don't want to see my psych as I am scared that I will end up IP.

I am due to see someone on Wednesday who will likely poison me (I am not sure who is coming because last time my cpn was off sick and I have heard nothing from the cmht so Idk whether it's my cpn or the nurse who normally comes when my cpn is unavailable ) by jabbing me with a depot. I recently ODed a few weeks ago so I don't want it to happen again. I really don't want the depot because last time I felt violated and I don't want to feel it again.

My sleep is all over the place. I can't get to sleep before 2am and I end it sleeping during the day.

[sherlock holmes]

It sounds like you really need your depot as you are talking about having strange beliefs (aliens, being poisoned) that I know you don't have when you are feeling well.

Please talk to your psych. You don't know that you would end up IP. In fact I think your psych would find it insightful of you to seek help now. That way you can stay in the community and engage with your CMHT. If you hide away you'll get more unwell until it gets to the point of sectioning and that's never a good idea if you can avoid it!

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Sarah.

I phoned the cmht before and asked to speak to my cpn. Apparently she's not in. So I don't know if she's sick or what. I asked to speak to the other nurse. She's not in until tomorrow. so I left a message asking for the other nurse to phone me tomorrow. The thing is that I won't hear from her until the afternoon because the whole of the cmht is in a big meeting all morning. that's assuming that they pass on the message. I went out today and baked a chocolate fudge cake so I feel as though I have accomplished something.

I have decided that if an nurse comes on Wednesday (when my depot is due) then I am going to have it. The noise has turned into voices and they are telling me to harm myself. So far I haven't though.

[Dying_Angel]

I don't have much advice but my head gets like this

[not_so_insig]

Nobody rang today :'( I just hope that someone realises tomorrow and rings me. I am going out though so knowing my luck they will ring then.

[not_so_insig]

Well the other nurse turned up. Apparently she left me a message saying she was coming but I checked both my landline and mobile phones voice mail and there was nothing there. So I am guessing that she rang the wrong number. Anyway I had my depot which I had willingly so hopefully I shall be ok soon.

[Sketchy]

I'm glad you got to see the other nurse and I hope things improve.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lorraine. She said that she has made an appointment with my psych for me but he can't see me until December due to lack of appointments. At the moment it's not an emergency as I am having regular medication.

I told her about the fact that I ODed a few weeks ago and the reasons why. She also said that she has written in her diary when I am next due for a depot so if my cpn is still off sick then she will definitely come. Apparently my cpn is incredibly sick atm so I wouldn't be surprised if the other nurse comes in 3 weeks time. She said that I can phone her if I feel like I need to talk to her.

[Sketchy]

It's a shame about your cpn, but this nurse sounds supportive and it's good you have the option to phone when you need to.

[not_so_insig]

Yes I feel much better now that I have spoken to her. The voices are still there but I know the medication isn't immediate so I just got to sit back and wait until it kicks in. I still feel like I am being watched and the police helicopter flew over before which almost caused a panic attack though.

[Sketchy]

I often have fears of being watched or tracked, so I understand how unpleasant that can be. Hopefully the meds will soon start to help.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lorraine. I received a letter today saying that my cpn is off for the next few weeks. It says to contact the duty worker during office hours or my gp/999 out of hours. But my cpn knows that I struggle with talking to strangers and that it looks like I will have to talk to the other nurse if I feel bad. But the majority of the time I am fine. I guess that I am lucky that because of the fact that I am on a depot someone has to see me I guess that not all of my cpn's patients will get a visit.