Feeling this body is my enemy and doesn't belong to me

Uglyducklin · 26-08-2016, 11:11 AM

I'm so sorry to post but I am struggling with this more and more. I hate this fat body and feel it isn't mine. Like an enemy . I have always felt this on some level but it is getting progressively worse. Logically I know it is but it feels owned by my past abusers. I need to kill it or destroy it. I don't know. Is this normal ?

Uglyducklin · 27-08-2016, 10:50 AM

How do I make it stop? I feel like the memories are written into it. I need to make the fat go and there less of it! How do I make this body feel like it is mine ?

Unbreakable. · 27-08-2016, 01:53 PM

A lot of people manage to make peace with their bodies by taking proper care of it.
Once you manage to get an appropriate amount of sleep, food and self care it will get easier to reconcile with your body. When they‘re healthy and strong people find it easier to focus on what it does for them and it's more possible to not reject it.

Not taking care hasn't improved your relationship with your body at all and also caused severe illness. That hasn't made life better for you.
So maybe try being nice to your body. Get to know it so to speak, see what happens if you take care of it and treat it with kindness instead of trying to destroy it.

Uglyducklin · 27-08-2016, 11:47 PM

Thank you . I feel I don't deserve to live . I feel like I'm actually really not coping.

Uglyducklin · 30-08-2016, 08:29 AM

I can't do this! It is disgusting. I almost don't recognise myself. I need to escape this fat body ! I have a CPA on Friday how do I tell them this

chinahorse · 30-08-2016, 10:06 AM

Instead of just telling them this which you have been telling everyone for a while could you focus on making a plan to improve things in the CPA? What do you need? What could they put in place? COuld you guys have regular progress check points? Nothing will change jessie unless you start to change it.

Uglyducklin · 30-08-2016, 11:09 AM

Thanks Lillie I have been asking for additional support to help me be less overwhelmed as I'm still not great at grounding techniques in spite of my best efforts. I understand it has to come from me but I also cannot do it alone . Nobody has suggested anything and they have dismissed my suggestions as not possible or feasible including a suggestion that an opinion from the Trauma and dissociation service is sought. My suggestions were not wildly unreasonable just a shorter gap between sessions as I'm struggling with containment. I hope you are doing ok.