Up and down and up and down

[Bellatrix]

I'm just coming down from a majorly high mood where I was impulsive, inconsistent, unreliable and reckless.

Now I feel guilty for the thousands if pounds I spent, the people I hurt and feel flat and low.

I know soon I will go back to feeling happy and it will get 'too' happy again so I'm trying to put some financial checks on place and let people know before it escalates.

Just. How do you cope with your mood being so inconsistent. I feel like I'm in a rollercoaster.

Add that with the voices and I feel crazy. I just want to feel normal. How do I get to normal? Will I ever or will I be like this forever?

[Ballerina123]

One thing I did was call my bank.
I'm not sure if all banks do this but my bank (natwest) have a vulnerable people's department. You can refer yourself (some may need supporting letters) and they can help you manage your finances if you have trouble with them due to illness or disability.
It's worth contacting your bank and asking if and how they can support you.

I also find having 3 accounts helps.
One for savings, one for bills and one for money I'm allowed to spend.
Non of them have an overdraft to avoid over spending.
Every time I get paid I put my bills money in my bills account (all my direct debits come out of this account)
Put what I think is reasonable to spend in my spending account and the rest goes into savings.
The saving account is secured so I can only access it if I contact the bank directly and apply for the money.
Also because I'm under the vulnerable persons ta at the bank if I spend a large amount or withdraw a lot from my saving the bank will question it because of my illness, which gives me chance to reconsider my actions.

There are also charities online that can help vulnerable people manage their finances And some mental health teams will support you to depending on the services they offer.

I would also advice not getting a credit card or loans and very rarely checking your credit status (everything you check your credit status it goes on your file as bad credit)
If you need to check it for a purchase you have decided on that is really important (like buying a house or getting a car on finance) then that is generally ok. But I wouldn't advise checking it 'just out of interest'.

Finally make sure your registered to vote. I don't know the reason behind this but it does improve your credit rating.

I know you didn't ask about credit rating but I just thought I would add that bit in as it's all financially important.

Hope this helps x

[Bellatrix]

THanks Kate.

I have plans to go to my bank asap and ask them about their set up. I'm also going to get my overdraft removed or reduced.

I don't check my credit rating and I won't ever apply for a credit card!

I'll also ask my MH team if I get accepted by the new service.

[Bellatrix]

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment. I'm finding I'm having moments of extreme happiness then moments of crippling lowness. And the 'psychosis' is quite bad with voices and visual hallucinations. I don't see my psychologist until September and that's for a discharge meeting.

If i'm not picked up by the mood/psychosis team I'm on my own and I'll only be picked up if E can convince them I don't have a PD. Once you have a PD diagnosis it's really hard to get rid off. Even though I never really had one in the first place. But I no longer meet criteria and definitely don't have one now.

I don't know what to do. How do I cope between now and my review? I have no support. If things got really bad I could call HTT and see them but I'd rather not waste their time when they have people with real issues to see.

I'm worrying my boyfriend at the moment with my mood and dissociation but I'm so good at putting on a front in person that it's hard to communicate with him in any other way than via text. Which is a bit pathetic. But when I'm with people I smile and pretend everything is fine. I don't know how to break that down.

Right now I'm very dissociated and it's taking a lot of effort to write this. I'm typing coherently though so I'm not too concerned at the moment. I'm trying to identify warning signs that my dissociation is really bad so that I can tell my boyfriend or friends what to look out for in terms of when things are 'do something' bad. Anyone who knows me know what any of these signs are?

[random.swirls]

If you have only recently been diagnosed with a psychotic illness you should be eligible for The early intervention service. This is for people experiencing there 'first episode of diagnosed psychosis' so if your last admission was when that occurred is be asking for a referral there as your PD diagnosis wouldn't count etc

[Bellatrix]

I'll text E and ask her. I'm not sure why I wasn't referred there but I'll find out. Thanks Cam.

I'm really struggling with dissociation and the 'psychosis'-type stuff. I don't know what to do.