have I lost it?

[EMH]

Sometimes I can look in the mirror and not know the thing looking back at me. It is not what is standing in front of it.
Sometimes I do not know if im a real person. If other people are real. And when other people are real and im not, how the hell are they perceiving me? What are they seeing when they look at me? Do they see me?
And when its not like that, im struggling to stay upright, to stay talking and not just crying, to make it into work and pretend im okay there.
Whats going on

[Serendipity.]

I don't think you've lost it, but it sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment. Worrying about what's real can be so distressing. I promise that you're real and other people are too, but I know that me saying it probably isn't very comforting. Have you found anything that helps or makes it worse?

Do you have any support at the moment? It sounds like it would be a really good idea to reach out for some help - maybe speak to your doctor if you don't already have anything in place?

[EMH]

Thank you for replying. I've seen doctors in the past. On and off for years. Recently one of them got really angry at me because I couldn't talk and because I wasn't getting better. She raised her voice and it scared me. I can't go back and why waste their time anyway when I'm unfixable.

[sherlock holmes]

You're not unfixable. You had a bad experience with that doctor. Please go back and see someone else. You're not losing it either, you sound like you might be experiencing a lot of anxiety.

[EMH]

i dont know how to tell my boyfriend i feel bad again. external things in my life are fine, he will think im being stupid.
i just feel like im falling and im not even trying to pick myself up out of this.