Can't be in this body updated

[Uglyducklin]

I don't know how to habit this fat filthy body. I need to empty it and make it disappear. I feel desperately like I need to destroy it . I cannot cope with what happened so long ago . If the fat was gone and it was empty I would be safe. I keep doing stupid things it is escalating in my head. I hate the fat body like it doesn't belong to me I want to kill it. I'm scared .

[sherlock holmes]

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A doctor maybe?

[Uglyducklin]

No I am a fat waste of space of time. If I talk to a doctor or out of hours I take from those who need more help. I'm scared though. My mum is home and I just lost it crying I'm scared of losing her. I don't feel like a person I feel like a FAT c**t of a monster. I don't know if it is ok to talk to out of hours. I have therapy Monday but I'm not going to lie it feels a long way off.

[Uglyducklin]

I'm scared .

[Wonderland.]

It is okay to talk to out of hours sweet, you are just as much in need of help of anyone else. Please reach out <3

[Uglyducklin]

Thank you I just feel so worthless. I don't know what I would say ? I still feel hatred and disgust and all of the above but I barely remember writing this post. I'm with my mum most of today and if she hears me talks to them she will ask questions . I feel I'm going crazy . I just want to hurt . I'm disgusted with this fat body. I need to be thin but I have ruined everything . Sorry I'm making no sense.

[Uglyducklin]

I am so ashamed but I caved in and rang out of hours I feel fat crazy and I just don't know how to explain what is happening ! I feel so afraid and trapped and like I need to disappear. I really hate it like it doesn't belong to me. Sorry I'm waffling . :(

[Serendipity.]

Was out of hours helpful? You don't need to feel ashamed, it's okay to ask for help. I'm sorry you're feeling so distressed at the moment, is there anything soothing you could do for yourself (wrap yourself up in a blanket, watch a favourite film, etc)?

[Uglyducklin]

Thank you . Im waiting for them to reply . Im terrified I don't know what to say :(

[Uglyducklin]

I feel so horribly dead and numb. After being assessed yesterday I have been told the cmht have reviewed my case and are seeking specialist advice as to how best to support me. Has anybody else had this? Will I need to be assessed ? I'm so confused. I hate this fat and this body so much. Xx

[Uglyducklin]

I feel so unsafe and hideous. I have screwed up and need the fat gone. I let my GP know how much I'm struggling and she emailed my nurse at the Maudsley and I'm scared because I am too fat. Urges to hurt and damage myself are strong I need to be punished for what I have done. I'm alone for tomorrow night and I'm scared of what I might do. I need to disappear to feel clean and be safe.