Mixed State?

Bellatrix · 12-06-2016, 10:01 PM

Can someone help me.

I feel so so so high and float and euphoric and pumped but also crashingly low and unmotivated and depressed and want to do damaging things.

Is this what a mixed state is? I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

What do I do? I don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to cope.

I'm waiting for HTT to call me back and I see my therapist on Wednesday. I'll also have an appt with my psychiatrist coming up because I apparently need a medication review. I wanted to use that appointment to talk about coming off my meds but I don't think that will go down well right now. I think I'm just going to be 100% honest about what's going on and take the drs advice even if it's not what I want.

But what do I do until then? I don't know what to do at all. I'v never really been here before outside of hospital environment.

Harbour · 12-06-2016, 10:05 PM

<3 you've done the right thing posting. I'm gonna do some reading on mixed state and come back to this.

Remember rhe meds have kept you well for ages and just because things might need tweaking now doesn't mean they don't work. Also lots of people think that because they feel ok they don't need meds - but no one would say that about any physical Illness so try remember that.

Wonderland. · 12-06-2016, 10:18 PM

I hope that HTT ring back soon. When they do so I think it'd be worth telling them about how you are feeling right now, and bring up how you're not sure how to handle it. Hopefully they will be able to help with some suggestions on that.

This is also something that you could discuss with your therapist on weds for a perhaps more long term plan if it persists.

Right now it's about trying to keep your mind occupied on something else other than harming. I'm guessing thats probably quite difficult for you right now. But maybe something like texting a friend may hold your attention.

<3

Bellatrix · 13-06-2016, 01:59 AM

Thanks both.

They haven't rang me back. I'll leave it.

I went to J's house because I told him what was going on and he insisted. So we watched Disney films and went for a walk when I got agitated. I feel a bit better but won't sleep so I'm going home now.

I need to get through til weds.

I don't know how to manage these feelings though.

Isoverity · 13-06-2016, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bellatrix

Can someone help me.

I feel so so so high and float and euphoric and pumped but also crashingly low and unmotivated and depressed and want to do damaging things.

Is this what a mixed state is? I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

What do I do? I don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to cope.

I'm waiting for HTT to call me back and I see my therapist on Wednesday. I'll also have an appt with my psychiatrist coming up because I apparently need a medication review. I wanted to use that appointment to talk about coming off my meds but I don't think that will go down well right now. I think I'm just going to be 100% honest about what's going on and take the drs advice even if it's not what I want.

But what do I do until then? I don't know what to do at all. I'v never really been here before outside of hospital environment.

Mixed state is when you have highs and lows at the same time - or when they follow each other quickly with no "neutral" in between.

I remember the large array of drugs you were on in hospital (I thought they would ruin you tbh) but don't know what you're taking now.

With meds I think of auto physics. If a car goes out of control it can fishtail from one pole to another. If a person is down and take a pill - and then is manic and takes a pill - and then is anxious and takes a pill etc. - eventually a person becomes so drawn out from their center that the "fishtail" swing gets smaller and smaller so that there is no middle ground anymore. That's how I would interpret acquiring a "mixed state".

The French have an expression that translates to mean "the ends that touch". Communists and Nazis opposed each other as opposites but they both ended up at tyranny. If a cause of a low and a high isn't fixed at the root then masking them with chemicals can aggravate problems long term. Lots of professionals have come to realise that. There are meds that cause mania and fake highs always cause real lows. Anyone out of control can feel anxiety and thats good because its a warning. To mask all anxiety is dangerous.

Now none of this is to say just drop meds because that can be dangerous if not done properly over time. But just because symptoms can seem worse doesn't mean more meds or staying on lots of meds is automatic.

Aside from that though you have seemed to have been cruising along pretty nicely (from my poor vantage point of course) and you have reason to be hopeful "on paper" even if it doesn't feel that way emotionally.

Bellatrix · 13-06-2016, 03:50 PM

Thanks Jack.

I manned up and called the HTT again even though they never called me back.

She was really helpful. We talked through what was going on and came up with a few plans so I'm feeling a bit more positive.

My mood is still erratic and she said if I was struggling I could call again and refer myself to be seen by them. I feel like I can't cope with this overwhelming feeling of highness and suicidality. It's unnerving and difficult to cope with.

I'm going to try and get through to Wednesday when I see E so I can talk about it with her and see if we can come up with a plan.

Has anyone been in this sort of high/low state before who can give me some advice on coping until then?

I don't want to die but I can't stop making plans. And I have so much energy I'm scared I'll do something impulsive. Last nigt when I was with J we went for a walk at like midnight because I was so agitated and we walked over a bridge and even though I don't want to di I had to restrain myself from jumping over the edge. It was like I was being propelled by something. Thankfully I wasn't alone but it could have ended badly.

I don't know. This is hard.

I need help.

tiptoes · 13-06-2016, 04:21 PM

Mixed states are the worst, you did so well in calling HTT do you think you would be able to call again if you needed?

I know it is super difficult to do right now but one of the things that i have found helpful in similar states is to do lots of slow, relaxing activities. I find it is really tempting to try and burn the energy and agitation off but going against the grain and slowing things down seems to help better.

Bellatrix · 13-06-2016, 06:39 PM

Okay I'll try thatthank you.

I think I'd be able to all again tomorrow/another day if I needed to.

Cacoethes · 13-06-2016, 07:53 PM

Are you on any anti depressants?
When I had my mixed state in hospital they had to take me off my anti depressants because that was the cause.

Bellatrix · 13-06-2016, 08:08 PM

I'm on an AD (mid dose), a mood stabilizer (low dose) and an AP (high dose).

I have a medication review soon.

I'd be scared of just being suicidal and depressed if they took me off the AD.

Harbour · 13-06-2016, 09:22 PM

I think maybe, on reflection, discussing medication isn't that helpful. None of us have the power to change meds at this second. What coping strategies can you utilise? When you are feeling energetic would you be able to use your prn and take it in regular doses?

In terms of staying safe are you able to remove anything risky from the house or give it to J? Are there any ways of using the energy suh as some form of exercise? Even doing a dance video or running on the spot at home?

how has today been? Xx

Bellatrix · 14-06-2016, 06:17 PM

Yeah I feel like I should probably jut leae my medication up to my psychiatrist. And take it as preribed. It'll be hard but I can always come off it n the future.

I've been taking prn but it only helps a little.

J's away atm so no.BUt I don't have many dangerous things in the house anymore.

I can't exrecise beyond walking atm due to anemia making me breathless and dizzy.

I'm in a really difficult place of being suicidal an having intrusive thoughts about death (like hanging myself) but I don't want to act on it. BUt at the same time I'm being so impulsive and acting without thinking so 'm scared I@ll act on the intrusive thoughts wthout thinking about the consequeces.

I see E tomorrow so I have to get through til then and then we can hopefully set up a plan.

Bellatrix · 14-06-2016, 11:12 PM

And now I feel ****ing awesome.

I feel like I can do anything. I don't feel depressed at all. No bad feelings at all.

I feel fantastic!!

Bellatrix · 15-06-2016, 12:57 AM

I can't contain this. I feel like a firework.

tiptoes · 15-06-2016, 08:51 AM

I hope the appointment with E goes ok.

With one of my hypomanic episodes I was taken off my AD for a couple of weeks whilst we got a handle on the hypomania and then I went back on it. I agree the best person to talk to is your psych, I just wanted to put my head in and say that coming off an AD can be a short term thing.

Do you think you can ask for the med review to be brought forward??

Do you think you could do some quiet calming things to slow things down a little bit?

[Luna] · 15-06-2016, 10:46 AM

I really hope your appointment goes well today lovely!
xx

Bellatrix · 15-06-2016, 11:17 AM

she wasn't in. I got all the way there and she wasn't in. She forgot about our appointment.

Ah well.

Guess I@m on my own with this!

*bounces* *kills self*

I feel odd.

tiptoes · 15-06-2016, 11:54 AM

Can you phone HTT or see there is a duty worker you could see?

Bellatrix · 15-06-2016, 06:12 PM

I don't know

I don't feel well

Everything around me is morphing and changing and swirling and there's insane laughter and bangs and the room is swimming.

[Luna] · 15-06-2016, 06:36 PM

Do you want to talk about what's going on?
Have you got any plans for this evening? Perhaps think about some things to put in place to keep safe this evening sweetheart.