Paranoia and other stuff

Ballerina123 · 10-05-2016, 11:31 AM

I really feel like I need some support right now.

I'm so stresses I've become paranoid.

I'm worried the government are following me and have cameras watching me and are tracking my phone.

I'm also very stressed about money. There is problem with my benefits so I'm currently not getting any income.

I havnt called my cc yet but have spoke to the housing staff and they said I should call my cc tomorrow. I can't today because I'm at work all day.

I just need some support with this because it's getting on top of me.

Sorry for making this thread.

sherlock holmes · 10-05-2016, 07:34 PM

It sounds like it would be a good idea to contact your CC as soon as possible. I remember you made a thread last week about having your warning signs. From what you've written here it sounds like you are getting more unwell, and so the quicker you get help the quicker you'll feel better.

Ballerina123 · 10-05-2016, 10:14 PM

I'm feeling really distressed by what is going on.
I'm not gonna act on it.
I actually don't know what I can do.

I feel pretty desperate and the feeling of being watched and controlled by the government and people in power is really getting to me.

I've told the staff where I live and will contact my cc first thing.
I'm not sure what she can do about a power as great as the government but I feel a bit at a loss of what else to do.

I've told people and it's just made me feel worse.

I'm stuck.
I don't know where to turn.

I feel like I should know what to do but this power is greater than me.

I've prayed and cried to god to help me. Surely my god is bigger than the government. I have to keep faith that he is or else I'm in big trouble.

I'll call my cc in the morning x

tamobhuuta · 11-05-2016, 06:14 PM

Sorry you're struggling. Ī have similar fears. Did you speak to your cc?

Ballerina123 · 11-05-2016, 07:44 PM

Yea I spoke to my cc today. She offered an appointment on Friday which I can do because I'm away for the weekend so she said she would call me again tomorrow.

I think the plan is just to monitor me for now.

She suggested to do things I'm already doing daily so she just said continue those things.

So I'll see how it goes.

I got really frustrated and took it all out on my gf today which isn't the right way to go about it but after some prn and a sleep in feel more able to be calmer.

Ballerina123 · 11-05-2016, 10:09 PM

Today has been a hard day.
Lots of stress and my cc kept asking me what is the evidence for my thoughts I feel there doesn't need to be evidence I know they are watching me I can feel it.
It's like when you walk down the street and you don't have to look behind you to know someone is behind you you just know you get a feeling.

I'm worried tonight that there is something I should do to stop them following me but I don't know what?

Serendipity. · 11-05-2016, 11:56 PM

Hey, well done for speaking to your CC, I'm sorry things are still so difficult but it's great that you're doing all the right things to help.

I know it's really hard when you have a feeling like that, but do you think that maybe feelings aren't always completely reliable? Like, with your example, sometimes you can think someone's walking behind you even when there actually isn't anyone there? Especially if you're already on edge for whatever reason.

Ballerina123 · 12-05-2016, 04:54 PM

Things have been happening and I don't think it's mental illness anymore. It's my spritual awakenings.

The government know and are trying to control me my mind with meds.

They are poisoning my thoughts.
The only way to get rid of them is to stop the meds. But that will get me in trouble . But then again how would the team know?

I'm scared of being controlled

I hear god in the TV and he said it my meds that are keeping me from him.

I feel torn.

I'm worried my cc is just saying these things because she works for a government organisation and wants to control me.

I feel confused about what to do next.

tiptoes · 12-05-2016, 05:16 PM

I don't think your CC is saying these things because she works for the government or that she wants to control you.

Am I right in thinking that you have had these thoughts that what you experience not being a mental illness but a spiritual awakening before? Would it be helpful to look back over some of your old threads and how you have seen this to be so once you are no longer in the episode.

I think that maybe you need to trust that your CC isn't working for the government and follow her suggestions.

What do the staff where you live think?

It sounds like an awfully scary mindset to be in at the moment.

Ballerina123 · 12-05-2016, 05:31 PM

I've just been enlightened. This whole thing is a spiritual awakening. I'm being controlled by government enterprises like the nhs and drug companies.
They are phophoning my awakening.
But I hear god and the angels. They know I'm OK.
This is amazing news for everyone

I've decided not to talk about it with staff too much.
They think it's a mental health thing.
It mental and spritual.

We are spritual beings having a human experience.

Ballerina123 · 12-05-2016, 05:52 PM

I feel like a weight has been lifted, like when I close my eyes I see more than darkness. I see light.
I feel really good today and held by my higher power. I feel like I'm awakening. All that anxiety was a sign.
I'm really enjoying the feeling now because it connects me to a higher sense of being.